Speaker 1 0:01

Sort of very young age, I started using marijuana and alcohol and I started to embrace that identity. And that's when, you know, my life just completely was out of control. I was in class one night and I hear some guys talking about an opening on a hot shot crew. I'm thinking to myself, I have my search . I can do that job. I need this. I can't put into words how that moment of my life puts such a trajectory into the man. I am today after two and a half years of fighting fire. Like my life was back on track and I left drugs in the , in the past, no , June 30th, 2013 would be called to a fire and yard now. And as a relatively small fire, [inaudible] my superintendent captain are sitting right there, standing right there and they go, Hey, Bernie , you want to be the lookout today? I said, of course I'd love to, I'm watching the fire and the fire's moving completely away from us. It's going north. And we're on the south end of this fire. And so I'm relaying stuff back to my superintendent and he's like, yeah, we're seeing similar things up here and, you know, just keep us informed. And around that afternoon, late afternoon, we get , uh , a weather event update. And it's saying that there's this storm coming in from the north. And it's going to bring winds of like 50 to 60 miles an hour. And it's going to turn this fire around. So instead of going north, it's going to head south over the next few minutes. It starts really picking up moving south towards us. And I'm closer to the fire then my crew. So this fire now has turned around and it's pushing towards town and we don't have time. And this fire's starting to burn homes and I'm watching it continue to progress to where they're at and it's moving fast. The only way I can describe it is it just kind of skipped with the wind. And so we pull out, we pull everybody out of that area and they start pulling everyone off the fire line because this weather event has come in a lot sooner than they had suspected. And there was another one behind it pushing it. And we get back into town and kind of wondering like, Hey, where are my brothers at? You know, and I'm thinking to myself, it's kind of getting a little hectic, stay off the radio. They've got plenty of experience. They're all together. They know what they're doing. And I start hearing calls over the radio that they're trying to get water dropped. And then I hear my superintendent over the radio, say that they're getting ready to deploy their fire shelters. I'm thinking like what's happened . And we're trying to find a way into where they're at. And we can't find a way, and there's just too much fire on the ground. There's no road in. So they finally, they get a helicopter up and they've got a paramedic on board and you can hear over the radio has got eyes on the crew. You can see their shelters. And so they find a spot to land the helicopter. And I can only imagine from his accounts hiking down and I hear over the radio a few minutes later, he says, I've got 19 confirmed. And it hit me that they had just passed away , um , that this fire just took them in life , man, everything that had led to the man I am today was gone and I didn't really have a strong family growing up. Um, they, they did the best they could, but those men had defined me as a father, me as a community member, and continually tried to help me rebuild my relationship with God and I had lost it all. And in the blink of an eye, it would be months of shock funerals memorials. After the tragedy, I didn't turn back to heroin, but I've turned to the bottle throughout the day. I couldn't escape the reality of what happened. And when I went to bed, my my mind was haunted by the things I had seen and experienced. And I started to drink really heavy. My life was, I can't put it. It was living hell every where I went there. I was sitting in the mirror wondering why didn't I die that day? You know? And it's, it took me a while to get honest with myself. And I just started praying and crying. I'm like, God, I can't live like this anymore. And I never wanted to ever question why that day happened, but I do want to know, can you remove this from my life? Because I can't do it on my own. So after hitting rock bottom and having these moments of contemplating suicide, I found myself in counseling and I thought I knew what recovery was and, but I had no clue. I had no clue what my relationship with Christ looked like. I had no clue recovery looked like, but I found a brotherhood and that meeting again, and it changed my life. I had men again that were willing to rally alongside me and walk alongside me and lead me to a deeper relationship with Christ that heel pain and fill the void that I never could fill with anything else. And that was only his love only his forgiveness and only his hope and purpose for my future.

Speaker 2 6:55

That puts me here today. Well , will you welcome Brendan McDonough with me? Yeah . From Prescott. That's how you say it. Just want to tell you right now. Uh, Michelle and I actually lived there for a little while. And so we talked about it . It's not Prescott. It's Prescott , Prescott like biscuit. Yeah. That's what you say. You've been there a long time. Um, yeah. And , um, we, we found out we got a little special connection. Uh , my wife and I had the privilege and I more so had the privilege of knowing actually one of his brothers and that hotshot crew and did church and life together. And so just so thankful to have him out here this weekend. And , um, we're gonna have a fairly raw conversation. Not like it hasn't started that already. Uh , I don't know if you guys have seen many of you maybe have seen the movie only the brave. Um, it's a good depiction and maybe we'll talk about that in a little bit. Um, but we have been going, like I said, through this series and Jeremiah and , uh, as we talked about potentially the opportunity for , um , Brendan to come out here, there was just a week that matched up with this, like when God feels absent and far away. And when you're lonely and angry and we've been on a journey walking through some of those things of this poetry in this book, in the Bible, in the old Testament, how Jeremiah had to give this message to people and how difficult it was and how he saw people hurting and dying. And eventually we're going to go off into exile. And he , he himself was going through all of the emotions and he has in Jeremiah 15, this just prayer, that's a poem. That's just , just a guttural prayer, really to God of how lonely he is, how angry he is, how , um, hurt and sorrowful that he feels. And so just really to get right off the bat. Um, let's just talk about that for a minute and how, where you've found yourself, where you can really do a me too moment with us that you know , where we've been there. You've been there.

Speaker 3 9:06

Yeah. So for me after that tragedy, I, I felt so banned and by God. So I grew up going to church in my younger youth in elementary school and throughout high school turned to addiction and really just found myself lost. And so after losing my brothers, I was mad. I was mad that a God took their lives and didn't take mine. Like, why would you take men that have fought so hard for something? And I was the addict. I was the felon. I was the, you know, the , the dad who was divorced kind of concept and idea. And it bared me to the bottom of my life. And I couldn't, I couldn't hold this pressure and weight cause I wouldn't ask why, because I remember just as a young kid, you just don't question God. And I was at a point where I was suicidal. I was drinking almost every night and I couldn't escape my reality. And I was just broken and lonely. And I felt this, this pressure to do it on my own because I had so many people telling me like, Hey, God saw God has something so amazing plan for you burden . And there's such a big purpose as a reason why you're here

Speaker 2 10:26

And you're not even want to hear that. Right. Then that's

Speaker 3 10:28

The last thing I'm wanting to hear. And so that's just putting more weight, more pressure to be this, this larger than life kind of hero. And I, and I folded and I continually folded and I wouldn't go to God because they would tell me, God's not going to give you more than you can handle. And so I'm sitting there thinking to myself, physically, I can carry a lot of weight. I can do a 16 hour shift, two weeks at a time 32 hour shifts straight. I can dig line, like I can put in physical work. So I thought that's what had to happen emotionally and spiritually. I didn't get that second piece of that conversation of God will not give you more than you can handle it . It took years for me to find that and it didn't happen. So I was multiple times out bottom. It wasn't a one-time deal of like, man, I'm suicidal. I need to reach out. It was three, four times multiple blackouts , just at a point of, I'm not going to make it to 25. And I've got a little girl who needs a father. Right. And something's got to change.

Speaker 2 11:29

So just like with Jeremiah, we see that in that place where he's just expressing loneliness and hurt and anger. And it's really out of that honesty that God can meet Jeremiah when we read through that and call them forward into this new life. And so I know that's something that you had experienced. It took a lot of time to experience it , but can you walk us through that just a little

Speaker 3 11:54

Bit? Yeah, it was , I was attending , um, I guess I wasn't attending anything at the time. I would get invited to church study youth, pastor that invite me inside. I go and I'd be so nervous. I'd have like chewing tobacco in and I'm like, you're chewing a church brand . Like you might as well just light up a cigarette. Like what are you doing?

Speaker 2 12:16

And no inside don't

Speaker 3 12:18

Do that. Right. And so I walk out and I just felt so just so awkward. Yeah . And his patches just kept me with me and he kept just having conversations with me. I just kept trying to scare him away. You know, he likes to look, we'd meet on Mondays. So after the weekend of drinking and so I tell him what happened, he like , okay. So, you know, when you're going to make a different decision, I said, I don't think it's a problem. And he invited me to this Bible study and it was recovery based and he was super smart. Cause he knew how to get me, get me in there. He goes, Hey, I think you've got a lot to offer people, you know? Cause you were struggling with drugs. And I think you can, I think you've helped some people. And I was far from true, but I was like, yeah, I think I can help. So I wanted to help. I was in the fire service I wanted to give back. So how's he guessed , man? I didn't say no. I attended every single funeral that I could. I attended every single Morial. I did everything that I possibly could to honor my brothers. And so I remember showing up and I'm sitting in this Bible study and I'm hearing these men that are in treatment that have nothing. And from the outside, looking in, I've got a house of God, a fiance, I've got two kids at the time. I've got a truck, I've got a home. My bills are paid. And so from the outside, looking in, I've got this great life. These men had nothing. They'd hit bottom. They had the bags in their backpack that they got and went to treatment in. And I'm hearing them talk about the relationship of Christ and their sobriety. And I'm sitting there thinking to myself, I've got this all wrong. Like I thought I had to carry this weight . And so I just keep this kind of stoke face because we're a small community and I've got to be this hero. I've got to be perfect. I've got to wear this.

Speaker 2 14:12

Right. That's a huge way. Cause you're still living in the community where this tragedy kind of took place.

Speaker 3 14:18

Yeah. I mean, we're, we're right there. Right. You know, every corner, there's a sticker, a shirt. And so I get my truck and I get home. I'm sitting out there and I remember just , just crying out to God and I'm like, God, I can't do this anymore. Like why ? Like the question I was so afraid to ask , uh, spent so many years sitting there tell him myself, because I thought I knew what a man was. I thought I knew what it meant to be strong, but all I needed to do was just ask why I said , God, why, why am I here? Please just take it away or just make it easier because I can't do it on my own anymore. I don't have it in me. And I'll have another day. I'll have another fight I'm done. So I'll wake up the next morning. And uh , St. Patty's day, I'm Irish, my whole family, my Irish drink whiskey. My whole dad's side of the family's from south Boston. My grandmother was an immigrant. And uh, so I go, me and my friend, Hey Brianna , why don't you come out? And uh, okay, let's go out. We're sitting down and small town and server comes right. Hey, you want the usual? I am a hold off. Okay. By the second or third time, I said , I'm a hold off. She's like you, okay. You sick, you got a fever, got the flu. What's going on? You got to fly a plane or something. I might not just, I got something to do tomorrow. And so we get done with dinner and uh, the guys were like, Hey, you want to go downtown? When like, you know, I got something important to do tomorrow. And really I had nothing. Yeah . And I remember getting in my truck, I'm sitting there and I didn't, I didn't understand this. I don't understand how serious this problem was until that very moment. I just broke down. Like , God, thank you. But then I didn't have to drink. I didn't have to forget. I didn't have to go so far in a place of being numb to just not remember that I could just rest in him. And it was very unfamiliar for me because as a kid growing up, it's like just rainbows, butterflies. Some people go through trauma as a kid, but for me it was pretty, pretty, pretty good life. And I just, every day I just continued to pray the same thing. God, please remove this from me. Please remove this from me. And so week after week, I kept going to this Bible study and I kept seeing this transformation of the more I gave him. Cause I only gave him a few pieces at a time. You know , I didn't give it all and was like, Hey, here's a little bit, here's a little bit. And then I remember sit down my pastor probably after a month. He was like, when are you going to give it all? Yeah. I'm not going to know how to, this is just give it all. I'm like, it's easier said than done. Right. And um, I just kept praying that same prayer. And I seen this miracle work in my life of , I had every opportunity to go to any treatment center in the country, 40, 50, $60,000 a month. And it couldn't fix me. And it was a simple moment of saying, God, I surrender, I'm broken, I'm lost. I don't have hope. I need you in overnight. He said, okay, I've been waiting. Leave the 99 for the one who you are. Yeah, my son. Wow.

Speaker 2 17:53

Yeah. I think that's something that's really important. We learned from that . We learned from testimony from people. We learn this from, you know, just as we're going through this moment with Jeremiah where , um, that we don't actually have to hide our experiences and our emotions. Um, you know, we don't have to , um , think that God can't handle like our honest conversation or that, you know, all he wants to, you know, just needs to hear a why , but he can take it all. Can have that all in that. Um, I think that that can really challenge us and I really feel like that's what you're doing to us right now is it's challenging us. Like how do we confront the things that we need to confront to actually move forward? Um , so as you began to like confront those things, what do you feel like? Um, you know, cause it's easy to be. It's hard for people to understand in reality and you know, this, that you say, like, it just happened. I said, take it. And he took it and it went away. And like for some of us it's just so heavy and so big or so hidden. We're so broken that we're like, that just doesn't need that's that's fairytale stuff ,

Speaker 3 19:09

You know ? And so I thought, yeah.

Speaker 2 19:10

So how do we, what does that, what does that look like? And then what did that actually lead to in your life really right now, what you feel like is living out your purpose on this side of this tragedy and you know , in this time, in your life.

Speaker 3 19:22

Yeah, I was so convinced that my life was going to be like that every day that I would wake up with anxiety, that I would have these nightmares and you know , everyone kept telling me, man, you've got to surrender and I'm like, it's not work. Like you don't get it. You don't understand how do I pull this out? And for me, what , what helped was just piece by piece, giving it over. And so as I started to see healing in it, it was almost a snowball effect for me personally. And it was like, okay, God did this in my life today. And I had to be really focused on what changed. And so I'd have a day without anxiety

Speaker 2 20:07

And I'm going to get to specifically call that out.

Speaker 3 20:10

Yeah. So I specifically called that out and I see, and I go, okay, I've had a day without anxiety. I haven't had a day without anxiety. And for years I was medicated and still had anxiety. Yeah. As Medicaid and couldn't sleep. Yeah. And so I see that and go, okay, God, that's, that's a miracle in my life for me. Cause it's haunting. Yeah . I go to sleep the next week and I sleep six, seven hours of slept six, seven hours in years. There's moments where I have to sleep on the couch. I'll wake up screaming, clench, screaming, wake up, my wife, wake up my kids and I sleep for a week or two. And I go, that's God, that's not me. I've tried it all. I've tried the therapy. I've tried the medication NyQuil I've chased the bottom of that bottle multiple times. It ain't put me to sleep. Yeah . I've gone to the psychiatrist, everything. And so I see these victories, which on the outside may seem like, oh yeah, I sleep. You know, but for me that was, that was a mountain. I didn't think I was going to be able to climb. And so I just pray and just keep praying, just keep going back to God and saying, okay, God, I see these changes in my life. I want more of them. Show me how yeah . You know, show me how, because it's only through you. I can't do this. There's no part of me that has the power to do this. This is the holy spirit. This is your son's sacrifice. The resurrection of Christ living in me. Yeah . And so it's like, okay, maybe you might be sitting there thinking , well , Brendan , I didn't lose 19 people. I don't have that big trauma. Your , your pain is pain. There's value to that pain, whatever it may be that you're going through and God wants to meet you there. That's what he's waiting for. And it's our , for me, it was ego that was etching God out. That's where ego stands for, for me, etching God out. And when I let go of that, the pride in the fear of telling someone I'm suicidal town, some of them struggling with alcohol what's kept in dark isn't dark and was brought to the light is in the light. That's when the healing begins. And so it was just an overflow. It was weeks past like, Hey man, this is a lot like, we're talking about a lot here, you know? And I'm like, well , you told me here's the surrender. Like here it goes, man,

Speaker 2 22:30

Slow down, slow. You're overwhelmed . I was full born

Speaker 3 22:34

Life. You know, everything is porn, addiction, anger, depression, just everything. And I just kept pouring out, pouring out. God just kept bam, bam, bam. I'm like , this is, this is my father. I didn't grow up with a father said, this is my father. This is the man I've been waiting for. And I just wouldn't open that door. I was in fear of judgment. Yeah . There's so many things that aren't real when you're, when you're in tune with who God is and who Christ is in our lives.

Speaker 2 23:03

I actually loved the definition of ego. You just gave us. Don't miss that. If you write stuff down, etching God out. Yeah. That's so profound. I think that we can find multiple times just in our day or our weeks or whatever situation where we're like, I got this, you know, like you're saying, I gotta be strong. I gotta be the face. I gotta be stoic. I gotta be strong for other people on their behalf. Um , because they're feeling weak and need your strength. Um, I wanted to give you just , um , I know that when we talked about some stuff that you specifically felt led to start something called hold fast and kind of walk us through, like, how did that happen? Did you always plant? You thought, oh, this is totally what I'm going to do. Or, you know , were you ever thinking about, am I going to get back out there in the fire service? Or

Speaker 3 23:57

What was that? So I spent a few years working on writing a book and the film. And so that was kind of my life for a while. And so if God's timing right, that I couldn't even see, I get sober a five , my relationship with Christ, the movie's release from six months sober. I've got men and women that are praying for me setting the Bible verses

Speaker 2 24:22

I'm going to Hollywood, I'm traveling around . We , we discussed this, the movie comes out. You're only six months sober. The movie doesn't depict that you, what kind of spiral that you kind of went back into afterwards. I mean, it just stops. And , and then you go through a lot of years of this. And so I think you were telling me that, you know, when, when you were discussing with Hollywood PDL , you were like, you're the man you're seeing today is not the man that I was before.

Speaker 3 24:52

The actor who portrayed me. When we sat down, I had to explain to him, you're not getting me pre tragedy because that's what you're depicting. As I said, you need to spend time with the people, the men and women who knew me before, because you're not getting an accurate portrayal. You're , you're, you're, you're seeing a broken person. I can give him . I was able to give him 10, 15 minutes of that before I had found my relationship with Christ. But by the time I had done that, we'd been done filming. And so everything comes out and I'm just like, God, please let me stay sober. Please let me stay sober through this entire time, please be with me. And he was every day. And there was a few people that had involved in the movie that had a, kind of a personal attachment to my sobriety. And so they would check on me, one of the actors he was in , in, in, in sobriety. And so he'd come to my hotel and clean out my mini fridge with me, you know? And so it was just those little things. And so I'm praying to God. I said, God, what do you have next? Like, do you want me to go back to the fire service? I'm still young. I was 26 at the time. You know, I'm , I'm pretty healthy. I'm pretty fit . I think, I think I can do it mentally now that I have in my life. And I know what I can tackle and challenge. Do you want me to go back to school? And I was praying one night, he said, Hey, I want you to open a Christian treatment center. I'm like, you've got the wrong

Speaker 4 26:15

Know . I'm like , you got the wrong dude. I think like the telephone lines, the old movies for the

Speaker 2 26:20

Ambulance to come check on you tomorrow, we got a different compensation .

Speaker 3 26:24

I think you got the Jack's hooked up properly and psyche praying about it. And I'm thinking Brennan , the statistics of what people like you go through. Um , but not good. The recidivism rate, the suicide rate, the addiction rate. They're not, they're not good. And so God's brought you to quote unquote, the 1% right. Leaving the 99 for the one. So he's going to pull you whatever he wants through you . Right. And so you're going to open a Christian treatment center, so, okay, God, you want me to do this? And I'm praying . I said , just, just put the right people in my life please. Cause I'm a knuckle dragon hotshot. Like I used to enjoy being off season and still not showering for like a week. Like that's how I just , that was me. You know, my wife still gets kind of mad about it today. But , um, and so I meet with my pastor. I'm kind of hoping that he shuts it down, that he's like, Hey, like you still got quite a bit of work to do. Like you're not married. You're living with, you know, you're soon to be wife. You, you know, you're kind of just getting your feet wet. I'm thinking of all the reasons why I can't do it. So I tell him and he's like, he's , I've been waiting for this. I'm like, what are you

Speaker 5 27:43

Like , Bob ?

Speaker 3 27:44

He's like, I've been waiting for this. This is it, honey. You know, he knew a lot of those men to claim, right? Yeah. And he's sitting there and he's like, this is how you are. I go find the broken, go find a loss , go find the hopeless, bring him home, be a vessel, be a catalyst. I said, all right, I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll put the same energy and effort I did in the fight and fire and saving lives. That oath, we took that oath . I'm gonna take today with God. I'm yours. I'm here to serve you. And so from that moment, which I know nothing about business, nothing about counseling memo, personal experience, we opened a nine months. God put the people in place. God put the building, the counselors, the commissions, the finances to open the licensing. And we opened it up , sitting there and I'm like, wow, what a dream come true. So we've been doing it for three years. And so now I sit in front of you and we're expanding and we're growing a member of the vision that God put my mind. And I'm like, whoa, I didn't think it was possible. Yeah. I didn't think it was. And here I am today getting to live it out. Now he's putting more beauty in my life. And now married, I've got a third child and my wife, we've got a two year old son and now I got to come out here to Benicia. Right. He said it right. I get to spend time with some of the fire departments and share my experience and what Christ has done in my life. I get to sit up here and share this and I'm blown away. It's not pinched me. Right. Because four years ago, [inaudible] Four years ago. It wasn't , it wasn't possible to get me out of bed. It was a struggle. And now God has just w Zim, Romans talks about endurance. And I feel like I gazelle that. I just get to run with Christ. It gets a tackle these things in life with people. And there's no greater joy I've had is to be able to do what I get to do today and then come up here and just share some scars, share some, some tears of laughter, some joy and fellowship and learn. Yeah , this is just as important for me and who I am. And my family is, it is what it is . Beautiful.

Speaker 2 30:28

Yeah. So , um, this morning at breakfast, we were talking and I was explained to you like real quickly , uh, you know, about our theology and what it just boils down to. And the saying that we have around here, that there's nothing so dead, that it can't be resurrected again because that's what God does. He makes dead things alive. And that there's nothing so lost that it cannot be found that you can be found in your beautiful example of so far the two. And in reality, the third one, which is there's nothing so broken, that it can't be mended on this side of eternity, that God will do a mending work. However, broken you are in your brokenness. Um, you know, we've got a couple more minutes left. I know that this is so important to me, but to you, will you just share with all of us, you know , whoever's here with us online or whoever's coming into this space, just what those three aspects looked like, because I know that what you're most passionate about. And as we talked like all the time, you know, we could have talked about recovery a ton, but every time that we had a conversation has gone back to like, man, I just want to tell people about Jesus and the transformational work that Jesus does and did in your life. And so would you just, I know you've done it and you know, you've kind of walked around it, but like just get right there of those pieces and what that looked like for you and what it can look like for us. Yeah. So

Speaker 3 31:53

Jesus, I think I was reading history. I kind of liked history, but I'm not too smart. Um, and then in ancient times they they'd have these, these vases that would be broken and you would think they'd be just done value, nothing, nothing of importance, but they would, they'd glue these, these vases back together with gold in leaf. And that brokenness is how I see Christ in my life. Like now it's invaluable or it's, there's not a value that can be placed on it. Right. And I was , uh , I was , uh , I was a lost child. I was so far out there, my turn , my back a million times and I couldn't muster the courage to say, God, I need you. And from that point of surrendering to today is night and day difference. My wife file record a cliff one day of her sharing, what that difference looked like. Cause she walked through it all with me. She seen the stumbled nights in the floor, sleeping on the dead dog bed to now helping me share this purpose that Christ has given me. And what I found out is the bigger, the void that we have in our heart is the bigger, the fill from Christ. See some more that we pour out to let him in as the more healing and renewal that he brings to us. And I was young. I didn't know that until life hit. And I just became enamored by his belief in me, his trust in me, his love for me, his compassion for me is, is his willingness to send his son to die for a wretch like me, a person that was broken and dead on the inside. I remember my mom told me once. He said, you're a, you're a shell of the son . I once knew I was angry that she had said that, but it was true. I wasn't in here. There was nothing going on in here. This was pretty empty and pretty haunted. And I remember spending time with my daughter and I was just like, babysitting. That hurts me to say that, but I was just babysitting my daughter. And when Christ came into my life and he showed me what a real father looked like, I didn't have a father. He spent 16 years in prison, met him twice in the last 10 years since then. And when he showed me what a real father was, I became one to , to my children. He showed me how to be a husband. What? I didn't know how to do that. And have my example was go to prison for 16 years. And I almost did that. And so he's given me this new found purpose of , of serving others in it. It's like the more I give up, which the world tells us not to do, don't give it up, take it, get the fast lane, get the, get the fast food, get you want it . Now you got to take it. Now, the more I do the opposite of that and follow him, he just continues to pour blessings into my life. When I just simple decisions, run like cheese or pepperoni on my God, what do you think? What kind of slice we have in a day? You know? Like what do you , what do you

Speaker 2 35:25

Want when I say surrender? I mean everything. Yeah.

Speaker 4 35:29

Like, you know,

Speaker 3 35:32

In distress, the world that I had in my life just dissipates. I don't want to make decisions without Christ in my heart. I want to make the small decisions with him because he's, what's gotten me here today. Wow. Never, ever. Could I have done it? I thought I could. If you'd asked 22 year old me be here today on your own, I say, yeah. Would, would you have asked me when I was broken a loss? I said , I never could imagine it happening, but with , with Jesus and my life and that gazelle like endurance because of the holy spirit that's , that's in me, you know, I get to fulfill this purpose. And then he throws these like little beautiful moments. I hate brunch . Just remember we've just begun. Yeah . And so if you're, if you're going through something in life, if you're struggling through something in life, this earthly world that we live in my new, you said that you said this amending on earth and healing and eternity in heaven. Amen . I'll take it today. What you gave me today, I'll take it. And I , and I'm so excited for that eternity and just , uh , just what he's done in my life, in these few years. Yeah . I'm just, and I get to spend the rest of my life. My wife, my children praising him, loving him, walking through some rough waters, even within the last few months of my life. Right. There's storms come, but now I know what to hold fast to it'll hold fast to the worldly views. I hold fast to Christ because he's not going to fail me through any storm I walked through. And that's who Jesus is in my heart. That's who he is to every single person in this room. Whether you know him or not, he's waiting. He's like, come on, knock on that door. Open that door son, my daughter, my child. I love you. You were a son of the king, a child of the king. And I wear that today. Not with the weight, but with the , with a belief that that's what protects me. I get to put on the arm. I get to put on the armor of God and I get to walk along and I get to be carried to like a little child that I didn't get. When I was a kid, I get to have that with God. And I surrender to it. I'm a grown man. I don't , I don't need to be carried, but my father, he needs to carry me. Cause there's some days there's some days that we'd need that. And so those, those three pieces, when you said that it hit me and it was just like, that's, that's who Christ is. Like, he's a Redeemer and don't miss the miracles in life because he's willing to work them in every facet. It's not just for those, with the platform. It's not, that's not what it is. God, we're straight here and I'll have to go through nobody to get to him. And I love it. And it is life changing .

Speaker 2 38:28

So one last fun thing is how we actually got connected is Brendan reached out purely actually to say like, Hey, do you know people who need help with recovery? And , um , it was really, it wasn't like, Hey, can I come speak at your church? Or let me come tell my story. It was, and it's called hold fast recovery. You've said that a couple of different ways. Actually. I like how you even said that night at the bar, you were like, hold off, hold off. I thought there was some cool connection to that. Um, but um, reached out to us and said, Hey, we have this, this program now in a facility and scholarships and all of those things , uh , out in Prescott and do you know anybody who could use this? And we'd love to get you connected and connected to other people. And so then that's what turned into like, oh my gosh, small world connection, which then was, I know your story. And then, Hey, can we come here? And you can come here and share the story. So what we're doing now is actually a small part of your weekend. You've already gotten to go and visit. So, you know, there was a couple of conversations that we had that I had with you just to share what I've experienced of his heart and for us to understand what this looks like. And I think it has challenged me. There's a couple of times that we were having a conversation about like, Hey, this is kind of what we'll do. And this is what the week's gonna look like. And I'm really specifically a first responder walked in and he was like, oh , Hey, I got to go. Something's going on? And it was just like, no matter what, when he could see someone walk through a door or come into his presence that needed his presence, that might be going through something. It was like, I needed to be fully present for that. And so that like challenged me to be like, wait, we're , we're having a conversation to like, oh no, this , this is like secondary. Like if you see somebody in your life that needs to know that there's resurrection, that needs to know that there's mending, that needs to know that there's ability to be found, show up. And that's exactly what you're saying. God has pushed you into. And it's because people showed up in your life continually and we're fully present that we get to have you sit here right now , here today and for God to express his goodness and redemption through the work that you're doing out in Prescott. So even today after this, we have , uh , uh, you guys all participate actually already with adult and teen challenge in the city. And it's one of the mission organizations that we support. So he's going to go over there and gets to hang out with the adult and teen challenge guys, and then gotten to go and spend some times with multiple different fire agencies around really just the different counties around here, the whole bay area and going to get to can use to do that. The other thing that's really important. And I want you guys to know, maybe you don't know this, or maybe, you know, someone who could use this is that we have a recovery group here that meets and every single Monday night rain or shine, it meets in club 45, like six 30, no matter what. And it's free for anyone to show up, to , to walk into to make those baby steps. And if that's something that you're interested in saying, like, I can go once and check it out. Right. Cause that's usually just go one, one time. That's not to go all the time. Don't go from zero to hero. It's just like today, you know, it's saying like today I didn't have anxiety and celebrate it. But like today, I'm just going to go once and check it out. You can go. We'd love to give you information about that. We'd love to get you connected. There's some stuff at the information table. In fact, I think tomorrow they're actually doing a special dinner with you. And so that's something that , um , you know, if you're like saying like, I can go once from the strength from someone else, I'm sure you're willing to give some of your strength . Oh yeah . To let somebody show up wholeheartedly. So you can do that information desk, or you can tell somebody else about that and lean into that. But we don't want to leave here without those types of things being known. And like my name's Larry I'm in recovery, like we're all in recovery. There's something like our pain is used for God's goodness. If we allow it, then he is redeeming history all the time. If we allow him, he's not causing all this craziness to happen, but he's right there with us. And so thank you for coming. Um, I want to , uh, um, just give everybody a next step. Um , we have this, this journalist called, this changes everything. If you're with us today and Brendan got to share just his own testimony and really you got preachy for a second dude. It was good.

Speaker 3 43:04

God, it's like another dragon hotspot the vocabulary. I liked it. Um,

Speaker 2 43:10

But that, you know , that's serious line to us. That's a serious theological statement to us that there's nothing so dead that God cannot resurrect it through the power of Jesus. There's nothing so broken that he can't mend . It. There's nothing. So lots of it can't be found. And if you're ready to take a step into this surrender that he was talking about to experience what only God can do through surrender. And you're like, so what, now this is a great next step for you. It's a 21 day journal kind of walk you through just who God is and what that looks like. It's not going to give you everything, but it's a great start. I'd love to give this as a free gift to you. We got a spot out in the lobby here, or if you're with us online, you can text TCE one to 9, 4 0, 0, 0, and love to get you a copy of this. I know you would love to hear that people walked into those things and how do we get so amazed celebrate and see how God is doing a good work and even a good work in through you. So, dude, thank you. Thank you. Thank you . [inaudible]

Speaker 5 44:14

We'll have them out in , uh,

Speaker 2 44:16

In the lobby and just a couple of minutes, but um, you know, we could have sat here the whole time and like John into the details of the nitty gritty and lived it. But I think we can just all get there. Like you said, we all have our own pain and our own trauma and um , no matter what we can relate, you don't have to have lost 19 brothers in a very public incident. You know , you could have, you know , uh , a problem that you think is small, but it's making a profound impact and God still says, yeah, that's enough. Come here. I'll take it. I don't pass up that opportunity. We want to send you off for the blessing. And I'm actually going to ask him to do it. If we have this posture of giving up and receiving. And so you just hang onto this towards God posture towards God. And would you just in the self with a blessing, brilliant

Speaker 3 45:02

God, we Stu you bless us to just have these open arms and open heart and surrender Lord. And that we are open minded that we're not alone in our, in our darkest moments, Lord, that you are always there with the city. You were willing to leave the 99 for the one. And we are that one, whether it's large, big, small, different in the depths of our brain hidden, you will find it Lord. And I ask that you continue to seek our heart and we continue to seek you and be blessed by your presence in our fellowship and your love and sacrifice.

Speaker 2 45:36

Amen. We'll see you next week. Friends. Love you . Thank you .