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Good morning, everybody. My name is Marguerite Harmon Hilsenbeck, and I'm in recovery. By the grace of God, my recovery journey began May 6th, 1996. And with much gratitude, these steps have become a way of life for me one day at a time. Today's scripture reading is from the Gospel of Mark, chapter 10, verses 17 through 22.

Scripture And Opening

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As Jesus was starting out on his way to Jerusalem, a man came running up to him, knelt down, and asked, Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life? Why do you call me good? Jesus asked. Only God is truly good. But to answer your question, you know the commandments. You must not murder, you must not commit adultery, you must not steal, you must not testify falsely, you must not cheat anyone. Honor your father and mother. Teacher, the man replied, I have obeyed all these commandments since I was young. Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. Still, there is one thing that you haven't done, he told him. Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me. As the man's face, at this the man's face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions. And this is the word of the Lord.

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Would you guys make some noise for Jesus in here? You guys look good. Look at you. Everybody looks all showered and stuff. There we go. We're in the middle of this great sermon series from this book called Steps. Have y'all been enjoying the summer series? We're literally walking through the 12 steps and we're showing you how this matches up with the gospel. We're using John Ortberg's book if you want to grab it. If you haven't grabbed it, go ahead and grab it. And we're walking through each step. And today, we get a chance to talk about this and use this scripture as our premise. And Pastor Lawrence says something week one. He said, if you stick around, I promise that this sermon series

Series Setup And Control Confession

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is going to mess you up in the best way possible. Has it been messing with anybody, the sermon series? Yeah, uh-huh. Good. So everyone's confessed. Pastor Lawrence confessed that if you do a group project with him, that he's probably at some point gonna quietly take over the group project. Everybody's done some level of confession. Uh Pastor Ken, he made his confession. Mandy tried to burn the house down last week. And so I just finished in my church in San Antonio this sermon series called Control Freaks. So here, oh, I got some other control freaks in the building too. Here is my confession. I'll stand still and say this. I am in recovery for being a control freak. I tried to control as many things as possible. Did anybody watch my San Antonio Spurs in the NBA championship that you saw? Was I the only control freak that when they were coming back from 29 points, just yelling, timeout, timeout, please call timeout. But he couldn't hear me through my TV and I and I couldn't control it the way I wanted to. I was like, somebody called the coach on the sideline, tell him Courtney Beard is calling a timeout. Didn't listen to your boy. I understand being a control freak because every year my wife and I we do this thing, but we try to purge our closet. We were upstairs trying to purge our closet the other day. And you know, I have clothes I've been holding on to for a minute, and I've always said, when I lose weight, I'm gonna wear these clothes again. I don't know if you could tell, but your boy lost a little bit of weight. I still don't wear those clothes. My wife has a bag up there, and she's like, Courtney, you gotta get rid of these clothes. And she was like, Well, you said when you lost weight, you were gonna wear these clothes, and you still haven't worn these clothes. And I'm like, girl, those are my clothes. I purchased those. I'm gonna wear those one day. And she's just looking at me like, I think this may be a part of your control freak nature. You wanna hold you, you know you're never gonna wear those clothes again. But I'm looking at like, but but though those are those are my clothes. And this is where we find ourselves at this week in step six, because there are things that we're holding on to that God is saying, Would you let me take that from you? And we're looking at it saying, but but these are my clothes. This is mine. It's been with me since I was a kid. Are you crazy? It actually fits me. It's tailor-made for me. This anger, this pride, this anxiety is tailor-made. It started fitting me in seventh grade, and look at it now. How do you like me now? And God is like, Yeah, can I have that? There are some things that we

Step Six And Open Hands

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make a part of our lives that starts out feeling like clothes, but it turns into feeling like skin. It's a part of who we are. And so, here we go. Let's step into this really quick. And so, step one is I can't. Y'all remember that's what step one is admitting that I can't. Step two is admitting God can. Step three, I think I'll let them in. I think I'll let God really really work through this. Step four, turned into the inventory. Did anybody in here do their list? You don't have to admit it out loud. Here we go, Benny. You do have to admit it here. Step five is the confession. Tell God, tell somebody. It is when you walk up to someone that you love and say, Hey, I really need to walk you through where I'm at with this thing. And so this summer, we've done everything. We've admitted, we've believed, we've surrendered, we've inventoried, and we confess. Congratulations, you've done more than most believers who've been a believer for 10 years. In the span of five weeks, you've walked out the power of the gospel. And then this leads us to this next piece right here. Are you prepared to be entirely ready to hand it over to the Lord? Here's what it really says. We were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character. Let me give you an idea of what the word defect is. The word defect is a distorted way of living that developed as an attempt to meet a legit need apart from God. It may be something that even protected you at some point in your life, something that prevented you from being taken advantage of, something that prevented you from someone stepping on you, over you, or causing more trauma. Many of the defects in our lives were placed there uh by ourselves because something happened in our world that we said, I don't like that. When I was teaching on control freaks at my church, I figured out really quick that it's not just that I'm a control freak, I like safety and certainty. I want to feel safe. I want to feel certain. I need to know all the details. I need to know who's gonna be there. Oh, or is my as we say in my culture, who all gonna be over there because that's gonna determine if I'm actually gonna show up. You, you, you know, at Thanksgiving. You do you really have to make that dish every year, or will you finally trust your cousin to make it? No, no, no, no, no. It is our control freak nature. I'm making the mac and cheese every year because I put six cheeses in it and not just one slice cheese. Hollow, okay, there we go. All the cooks in here know you can't put no sliced cheese on mac and cheese and call it mac and cheese. That's just grilled cheese with pasta. Here we go. The sixth step does not have a real assignment except for open hands. That's the toughest part of this. It would be a little easier if if I had to go talk to somebody, maybe, or if I had to take inventory and write it down. But the sixth step is me doing this with my hands and say sometimes closing our eyes saying, God, I I kind of give you access. And that's the toughest part because this is where you find yourself stepping into what I call willingness. For many people that have gone through recovery programs, and I'm excited to say that at our home at our church in San Antonio, we are the home for what they call adult team challenge, and we get a chance to house guys and who are walking through the program and they spend a year in it. And so every week their church, I just looked at our church a few minutes ago, there and they're all loud and proud, yelling, shouting for Jesus. And here's what I've realized: it is this step that often makes people decide if this thing is gonna go downhill or if they're gonna see it through. Will I open up my hands and allow God access to my frailties? I've discovered this. I can take inventory, I can be confessed, and I can still be unwilling. Has anybody ever gone to the altar? You came to the altar, you cried, you left it there, you said, God, this is it. And then by the time you walk to the car, he's saying, Now good, are you willing to let me take it out of your hand? You're like, Yeah, I just needed an emotional breakthrough. I didn't really want you to take it. I actually want to stay in this toxic thing. I actually want to keep this little toxic trait. And God is walking into the room today saying, Will you open your hands and will you allow me to take the thing that's on the inside of it? Here's what I figured out. The first thing that I noticed is that he wants to remove something from us. We were entirely ready to remove our defects. That's not what it said. It didn't say we. It says we realize God is ready. We were entirely ready to have who? God. What's the name right there? God. We were entirely ready to have who? Say it like say it just a little bit louder. We were entirely ready to have who? Many of us read that and say, Yeah, it's gonna be God, but it's probably gonna be me doing it. And this is where willpower goes to die. Because many of us have felt like we've been stuck in the same place, in the same cycle, in the same spaces of life, because we've tried through willpower to do it ourselves. And this says we were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. If God doesn't remove it, it's just self-improvement. And I don't know about you, my self-improvement plan has never helped me in the past, and it will not help me for my future. The subtitle of the book that we're reading says this that this book is a guide to transforming your life when willpower is not enough. Who in here are you willing to testify and confess? If we step into last week, who in here has ever had willpower fill them? Just raise it up high. You said you were gonna go to the gym at 7 a.m. to that

When Willpower Runs Out

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Pilates class. You ain't been one time. I mean, they just taking that subscription, that money out for the gym every month, and they the gym has not seen you in two months. And every month on the 15th, thank you very much. You are literally paying for something that you're not showing up for the benefits for. And this is what we had to do in this series. We've had to discover that willpower has had to be fire. It's not about how strong you are, it's about your ability to release the grip. Pastor Courtney, I don't give. Why? Well, well, because I need this. No, no, no, no. You're probably struggling to release the grip. I, you know, I don't bring my entire family because I don't want no no, you're probably struggling to release the grip. You know, I I I prayed about it and nothing changed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, you prayed, but you didn't get out of partnership with the thing that you prayed about, and it's because you were unwilling to release the grip. And so today, the thing that God is asking us to do, do, do, do, do me a favor, just, just, just, I see this all the time on TikTok. Unclench your jaws. Because some of y'all have been tight the whole service, like I know they want something. You want to know what we want for you to be free? To watch the free version of you come out. Can anybody in here agree? You just want to see the free version of somebody else in this room? Come on, give God some praise. The worst part is sometimes that I want to see you free, but I never believed that I can be free. Have you ever believed it for somebody else and struggled with it for yourself? You looked at somebody and said, I know you're gonna get that promotion. But when it was your turn, you just say, Ah, I don't really know what's gonna happen. You know, the Lord's will. What about you stepping in and saying, God, I give you everything, I give you full access. The second thing that I notice about that phrase, it says, We were entirely ready. Somebody say entirely. Entirely. When we read that, sometimes we read we we we have the ability to read a word, but think another word. And and so, so it is we we read entirely ready, but some of us translate it as mostly ready, almost ready, kinda ready. Sometimes my wife and I are going somewhere, hey girl, what's up? Looking good on the front row and stuff. She does. I mean, I'm struggling to preach because my girl here, you know what I'm saying? So let me let me hold my stomach in while she looks at me while I preach. I look skinny today to you, girl. We'll be getting ready, and I'll be like, babe, are you are you ready? She's like, yeah, yeah, I'm ready. And then she's gonna do like two more things. I'm like, girl, I thought you said she was ready. That's not entirely ready. That was almost ready. And I do the same thing to her. You ready? Oh, yeah, I gotta figure out what which necklace I'm gonna put on or what glasses I'm gonna wear. I wasn't ready. I wasn't entirely ready. I was almost ready, mostly ready. This right here leads into this idea of us being entirely ready. Mark chapter 10, the scripture that we read in the beginning, is about this guy who comes running up to Jesus, which you already know in the Bible. If he comes running, he's literally making a fool of himself. He's running up to Jesus, he gets to Jesus and he's like, yo, Jesus, I have to ask a question. Good teacher. What must I do to have or to inherit eternal life? Mark 10, 17 says that. He runs up to him,

The Rich Young Ruler Test

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he's asking him this question. The Bible calls him the rich young ruler. Come on, he doesn't have to run up to anybody. He's rich, he's young, he's a ruler. He's rich, they give him his profile. He's rich, young ruler. And for some reason, whenever I saw this in uh cartoons growing up, he was always rich, young, ruler, and handsome. The Bible never said he was handsome. We made that part up. I know what it is because he's rich. You're like, well, he does look a little bit handsome if you squint your eyes a little bit. But no, he's rich, young ruler, he runs up to Jesus and he is so comfortable with this life, he starts asking about the next life, and he says, What must I do to inherit eternal life? And Jesus answers him, but here's the problem. His resume is so good, he's nailed everything on the list. And Jesus says to him, He says, Well, hey, why don't you not do this? Don't do this, don't do this, don't do this. The ruler kind of looks at Jesus. I can imagine he's like, You're never gonna believe this. I screamed about it too. You're never gonna believe this. I've obeyed all of these commandments since I was young. Did you see that? He says, I have the whole list covered. If we went back a few steps to do inventory, this man would have nothing on his list. If he had to walk up to Mandy last week and do confession, he would have nothing to say. But Jesus looks at him and he says, Okay, fine. You have the whole list covered? How about this? How about it's not another assignment for your freedom? This guy looks at Jesus and basically says, I've done everything on that list. Give me one more thing. Add something else to the plate. And Jesus is looking at us and he's saying, It's not another thing. You don't, it's not another podcast, it's not another sermon, it's not another conference, it's nothing, it's none of those things. And Jesus says, What does it look like if you're not adding something? Or what does it look like if you start subtracting something? Jesus says, You've been waiting for me to add one more thing, one more pressure, one more song, one more holler, one more yes. And Jesus says, in verse 22, looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. There's still one thing you haven't done, he told him. This is the only time in the Gospel of Mark where in the middle of a story, it stops and says, Jesus loved him. Look at that. At this, oh wait, I'll get to that one. He says he says, and Jesus looked at the man with love. He looked at the man with love. Mark is giving us the temperature. Even though this man says, Jesus, I kind of got all the answers. He stops the whole story and says, He looks at the man with love. I absolutely love this because Jesus loved him before he ever obeyed him. I want you to hear this. Jesus loves you before you ever obey him. Many of us question whether Jesus loves us. We've been waiting. Well, once I start obeying, he'll start loving me. No, he started loving you before you ever started following him. This I want to just say this because many of us have put distance between us and Jesus, and we say, I'll start praying when I get it right. And Jesus is like, start praying now. I'll start believing when I get it right. Jesus, like, no, start believing now. I'll start worshiping when I get it right. He's like, No, start worshiping now. Because before you ever get it right, I've already loved you. He wasn't giving him an invitation to do another thing. He was telling him, if you're willing to surrender, you will begin to see the love that I've already poured out. And this man was looking for God to add something. And Jesus said, No, allow me to remove something. I love this because in this moment right here, Jesus didn't put his finger on what the man lacked. He asked him for, just give me what's in your hands. And for many of us, we've done life like this so much. I said earlier, unclench your jaw. Take a breath. And now, if you just by faith do this, because some of us have been sitting in the service like this the whole time. You didn't know it, you didn't realize it. You didn't, you didn't see yourself. You've been sitting tight the whole time. And Jesus is saying, Would you just take a chance and to this? Do me a favor, church. Inhale, exhale. You've been needing that rest the whole week. And Jesus is just saying, Hey, it's not what you're lacking, it's what you're holding. And then the Bible says, which is probably the saddest verse in all of Mark. Mark 10, he says, At this, the man's face fell. He went away sad, for he had many possessions. I've heard this preached so many times, and people landed on the possessions. The other day, when I was reading this, I landed on something else. He was sad and walked away from Jesus. How many times, if you read this in the Greek, sadness means grief. He had grief and walked away from Jesus. He had sadness and walked away. Church, let me give you a clue to the biggest thing in our lives. If you're ever experiencing grief or sadness, don't walk away from the presence of the Lord. Get closer to the presence of the Lord. This man started measuring up and said, I don't think that I'm enough. And Jesus is saying, My love makes you enough. Don't walk away. Stay here. Let's work it out. And some of us in here walked in here today, and you've been living life where there's been a little bit of distance between you and Jesus. Because at some point, sadness took over, grief took over, anxiety took over, pride took over, anger took over, wrath took over, lust took over something, took over, greed took over, and you decided that you weren't clean enough to be around Jesus. And Jesus is looking at this rich young ruler. And a lot of people have said, Man, what would have happened if he would have stayed? And I'm looking at it saying, What happened because he left? What did he encounter? I wonder if his life ended rich and young as a ruler. I wonder what ministries weren't funded because he didn't do what God asked him to do. All I know is that he took his sadness and he walked away from the very person who could help him with the sadness. A few weeks ago, we're sitting here and Justin was preaching. Were y'all here when Justin preached the other few weeks ago? He preached it. He talked about there's a there's a guy at the pool of Bethesda, and he had been sick for 38 years, and Jesus walked up to him and said, Are you willing to be made whole? And what Jesus was really asking him, Are you willing to deal with the price of discomfort to be made whole? And many of us, one of the reasons why we struggle to get rid of these defects and to give the Lord access to it, is because for many of us, our defects have served on the staff of our life. Point number one, your defect has a job. Your defect has a job. Why would anybody not be entirely ready for God to remove the defect? Here's a reason why. Because that defect has worked on my staff to protect me. Here's what I wrote right here My rage, my pride, my anxiety, all of those things have been fulfilling a full time job. They've not been freeloaders. They've been working and getting paid at the same time. Your defect has a job. It's been paying you for years. Pride pays you and makes you feel that you're

Defects That Pay A Salary

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never going to be exposed and that no one will ever take advantage of you. Control pays you by saying nothing's going to ever catch you off guard. So that's what you tell yourself anyway. Anger has been paying you by saying it gets results. People move when you get angry. People pleasing has been paying you, saying that everybody likes you. So you think. Perfectionism has been paying you, saying that, remember, perfectionism got you into college, it got your good grades, got you that promotion. Here's another thing: even anxiety has been paying you, making you feel overly prepared when really you've been just walking around with false love with a clipboard. These aren't random flaws. These are things that at some age of your life they were hired. Here's the problem: they were all hired, interviewed, given raises by a child. Not one person in here would let a child pay their bills if you laid out all of your money and say, pay the bills. No one in here would tell their kid who's five or six to say, okay, run the house. But for many of us, for what's been staffed in our lives from these defects, it has been a child. Whatever age it happened, whatever age it confronted you, whatever age life let you down, whatever age trauma set in or triggers popped up, there's been a child running the show, doing the staff meetings, giving raises. And then there's been a season where the wrath or the anger or the pride or the anxiety of the thing has gone away. And you thought I'm free when really that child just sent it on vacation for two weeks. And now you, the adult, are standing in the presence of the Lord, looking at this child inside of you. Man or woman, the little boy or the little girl, saying, If you open your hands, the adult mean knows a person that's willing to take all of this from us. Here we go. Let me jump down here. I love this right here because we see this cycle with the nation of Israel. The Bible talks about them. God brings the nation of Israel out of 400 years of oppression. He does miracles, plagues, he splits the sea, he makes them free. And they still manage to say in Numbers 11, 5, we remember the fish we used to eat for free in Egypt. And we had all the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic we wanted. I mean, they really must have loved that. Mine would have said we had all the tacos and the pizza and Chinese food. But they gave their whole menu of what they missed. Watch this about being in bondage. Because many of us are sitting on the verge of freedom, missing what used to have us in chains. Oh, the old me used to, I used to be boy, I used to party. Well, you should have seen me in college, and you're longing for the days of dysfunction while standing at the doorway of destiny at your freedom. And like the children of Israel, you're naming everything on the menu. Why? Because bondage has a menu. Have you ever noticed when you're longing for the old days of dysfunction, your memory is selective. If you've ever gotten back into a relationship with someone who's dysfunctional, you'll start remembering the Disney moments, not the disaster moments. And you'll stand there. Why? Because your memory will begin to edit out the pain and romanticize the comfort. And so the children of Israel, they're standing there longing for safety and safety of a season that used to wear them out. Why? Because every defect has a salary to it. And until we name what's getting paid by that defect, we'll never give it up to the Lord. Here's what I mean by this point two removal feels like loss. The rich young ruler was asked to remove something, and the Bible says he walked away in grief. He walked away in grief because letting go of a defect can feel like a funeral. Sometimes we talk this way, we walk this way, we just say, I'm just intense. That's just me. Is that really you or is that a defect? I'm just a control freak. That's just me. Is that really you? Or is that part of the defect? And we take the defect and we laminate it into our identity. So when God wants to remove it, it looks like he's taking away a gift when really we've been a hostage to a bully for years. The Bible says Jesus turned his face to this man. This man never didn't obey him yet. He didn't say, I love you. He didn't become a believer. Jesus turned his face. It says, looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. The removal that he was asking for was literally a measure of his love. Let's skip down to point three. Point three is this we have to be willing to be made willing. When I was a student pastor years ago, I used to pray a prayer. Lord, get me ready to be ready to be ready. You know you're desperate when you pray three levels of I hope, I hope, I hope. Lord, get me ready to be ready to get ready. I was praying three levels of hope. And every time God would do something in my life that He would transition me to the next level where my levels of ready and my prayer

Ready To Be Made Ready

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begin to go away. If you're worried that you cannot pray, that I'm entirely ready, you're in a good place, in a good space. Because here's what I realized right here is that readiness is not something that you have to manufacture. Readiness is something that you receive. Here's what the word of God said. It says in uh Philippians 2 13, for God is working in you. You know what? Let's just read it together as a church. Just read it for me as best you can. Go. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Read it one more time on the side. Go. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases. We got to do one more time. Party over here, party over here, party everywhere. Everybody read me. Go. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases. Who is working in you? God, who's working in you? Who's working in you? Who's working in you? Who's working in you? You don't have to do it yourself. God puts the desire in you. You just have to pray and say, God, give me the desire to have the desire to open up my hands and give you access. This should help you not to leave church feeling like a failure, like you didn't get it all right, or walk through your week feeling like a failure. You have to look at it and say, God, give me the desire to have the desire to hand all of this to you. How am I gonna make it out of this anger? God's about to give me the desire to have the desire. How am I gonna make it through this season? God is about to give me the desire to have the desire. This helps you to let go of willpower. Because God's building something in you. Here's my last little piece. If you can't say I'm ready, pray that he'll start getting you ready. Psalm 51 and 10 says this create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a loyal spirit within me. Oh look at that. Create in me. Not Courtney, create in yourself. Not Zach, I'll pick on Zach. Not Zach, create inside of Zach. Not Pastor Lawrence, create inside of Pastor Lawrence. It is God, you create in me a clean heart. Have you been concerned that your heart is not where God wants it to be? Here's your promise, create in me a clean heart. Husband, have you been feeling like you've been detached from God? Like you feel like I sit in all these services and I don't ever feel anything. Here's your prayer. God, you created me a clean heart. Mom, wife, have you been feeling like life has been taking you over? Creating me a clean heart. Student, have you feel have you been feeling like you can't get it together? God created me a clean heart. David knew something that we didn't know. God, if you build it, it'll change everything. Would you stand on your feet with me for a second? Here's what I want to tell you. Every defect is just a substitute savior. Pastor Courtney, you said that you are control free. Yeah. That's just my way of me trying to do the job of God without tagging in God. And for some of us, the pressure of being a savior has been overwhelming. You're at your end. You walked in here today, some with shaky knees, some with a broken heart, some with a weary spirit, saying, I'm coming, I'm giving this thing one more chance, one more time. And you walked in here today, and I want to tell you, I want to look at you right in your eyes and say, You being your own savior is too heavy. You healing your own heart is too heavy. You using your own willpower is too much. Can you stop calling yourself names and just simply open up your hands? Here's what it looks like. Here's what it looks like, honestly, if I'm being totally transparent. It looks like you realizing you can either muster up the strength or you can open your hands for the surrender. But Pastor Courtney, my hands are empty. That's okay. Are they open? Sorry, I just preached to myself. We've been concerned. I have nothing to give him. And I'm telling you, he has everything to give to you. Come on, church. Just just just just just do me a favor, clench those hands for a second. And now just exhale and open. That act by faith, some of you feel a little bit lighter. You've opened up your hands and you're saying, God, I'm not asking you to feel it. I'm asking you to take these open hands and to use them. Use my story. Use my recovery. Use what's been broken. Even use my unwillingness, but my willingness to say, God, make me ready to look more like you. Can I pray for you? Father, in Jesus' name, I'm asking right now that you would walk into every yes, every promise, every person, every perspective, and that you would take these open hands. It seems too easy, but it's what your gospel says. You said that if we just open our hands, that you can do something with open hands that you can't do with a grip fist. We're not holding on to our

Open Hands Prayer And Sending

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old clothes. We're not holding on to old seasons. We're not holding on to old defects and old things that no longer give you glory and that have been on my staff. Restaff my life. Restaff my future. Restaff my destiny. It's in your name, Jesus, that we choose to give you the praise and the honor and all the glory. In Jesus' name we pray. Somebody in here, give God some praise. Your hands are free. Amen. Thank you, Courtney, for such a powerful message this morning.