Conflict Resolution in Christian Community

Speaker 1 0:31

Ah , I paid her to say every bit of that , every bit of that . Hey , good morning everyone . Oh , happy new year . Good , we're going to keep this thing running , ok . So here's the deal . I'm not what people would call a sports guy , but I've been told that there's a football game at 1.30 . Whether you are a Dallas fan , green Bay , either way , you'll be out of here on time , and some of you will be disappointed today . So that's what's going to happen . I promise to lean in . It's going to be good .

Speaker 1 1:06

My name is Jeff Buckman . I'm one of the pastors here in Stafford . It's my privilege to be here today . We are going to open up God's Word and we're going to spend the next few minutes . I believe that as we look at God's Word , it becomes a reflective mirror , to ourselves first and then to others , and so may this be a time where we get a chance to have some honest conversations between us and God , and it's going to be good . It's going to be good .

Speaker 1 1:31

So I'm a pastor , like I said , and one of the things that I get to do every now and again is officiate weddings . It's not what I do a lot , but I do it every now and again . I love when I get to officiate weddings of people that are my friends and people that I just know . And a couple of years ago I got to officiate a wedding for people that were dear friends to me , to our family in fact , and they too had been in the church for years and years . And so they just came in and they said look , man , weddings are just kind of boring . I said thank you , you've been to some of mine , I appreciate it . Thanks for saying that . He said we're getting married . Is there any way that we can just kind of spice this up ? I was like you mean other than entering into an eternal covenant in the holy matrimony ? But sure , yeah , we can make that more exciting . And he said , just , you know , it's like people are there for the party and this and that . And I said OK . So we thought about it for a little bit and I said what if ? I said what if there's things I know that I'm going to say in this wedding , in this ceremony , there are just things that we it's part of the tradition . I said what if we , as people , come in , we hand up bingo cards ? You can tell you're not on board with this either . So but I said , what if we hand up bingo cards ? And so then , as I say those things , they can mark them off . So throughout the ceremony , different people are going to stand up and say bingo , the ushers can come and they can give gift cards to them and things like that . My daughter even won one . It was really fun , so they loved it . Everyone in attendance loved it , thought it was great , killed Monday after I went back into the church which , by the way and you all understand this based on the story that I'm about to tell you , this didn't happen here .

Speaker 1 3:06

So I'm not talking about another pastor . I mean , it's not like Pastor Sammy was mad at me , but I went in on Monday and another pastor who had said that they were going to be coming to the wedding but then chose not to so they are sweep heap but then they were in no show heard about this offensive bingo game that I ran , and so he brought me before our boss because he thought that I needed to learn and that I was out of place and wrong . And he did this . He took my pastoral license off of my desk and he wasn't going to give it back until I said I was sorry , I didn't even know he had taken it . Now I will say I didn't have as many powers Like I noticed that I was like I tried to bless somebody and it didn't . It's not a thing . It's not a thing , by the way , but he took it as a symbol of saying you've lost your pastoral right , and I know that . And so , look , I'm not saying that what I did was right or wrong , but it was that he determined to do this . And how he did it , how he went about communicating this , I think , needed a little bit of guidance .

Speaker 1 4:10

And after this was done , I just thought this . I thought don't do bingo at a wedding . That's the first thing that I thought . Maybe , maybe , maybe it's still open for discussion . But the other part of it was this I think that we , as Christians , are really bad at conflict . I just think that and sometimes it's for the sake of being really kind or being nice , or that we're all like I think that we're just really bad at conflict , and especially when you sit here and are trying to call sin out in somebody else's life , or that you're trying to identify what sin is in the body of Jesus , and I don't think that we know . So we're going to be looking at a passage today that really actually gives some very decent guidelines on some of that sort of a thing , because we're going to jump back into Matthew and we're going to have some more of that community language .

Speaker 1 4:54

Pastor Lillie , last week we started back into Matthew and he talked about it almost as like a family conversation and , while everyone is welcome , it's just basically saying look , if you call yourself a follower of Jesus , if you call Northgate home , these are the ways that we would ask that you would interact with other people . That will then promote health , that will build community and that will not tear down people and , in the process , harm others that are here just checking things out . That there's a responsibility and I would actually call it an opportunity that we have to create a community , because what I know is that , as people are sometimes limping through those doors , that they need a place to go and say I am broken . I understand that and I need a place where I'm able to start to get better . Could it be you ? And I think , unfortunately , in the past of the church and I'm not saying this specifically about Northgate , but we've participated at different points and times . I know that I have Don't always handle it the best .

Speaker 1 5:49

This passage that we're going to be looking at Matthew 18 , 15 through 18 , it's designed to bring unity and it's probably one of the most divisive passages I've ever read , because we don't understand it . Jesus had been speaking about the offenses to children . That's what Matthew 18 was about . So speaking of the offenses to children , how to protect community , and then how to find and care for the one Understand the one , not the 99 , we'll get there in a second . But he's talking about this and he says now , this is what you're supposed to do when sin occurs .

Speaker 1 6:24

How is it that if a person identifies sin , that they were to talk to somebody else and address that and to be clear ? That's then sin against God ? Because I think when we confront and we conflict is it oftentimes there's that thing behind the thing , like it's clear that we're offended but it's actually not about the thing that you just did . That's just given me an opportunity to say something else to you , and so then when we confront and conflict , we have an opportunity to restore . But I think it's interesting that oftentimes this is the thing that then isolates and goes and keeps people either away from church or away from God or at the very least away from community .

Speaker 1 7:04

I think that this is not too far away from even where Pastor Larry ended at our Christmas services talking about John 1010 and that we've also been using that . The passages the thief has come to the thief comes to steal , kill and destroy , but I , jesus says , have come to give you life , and life abundantly Interesting , they're talking about the same thing . See that they're talking about the same thing and based on how we respond to that thing Christ-like or in ways that honor what the thief has come to is that you will get a different response . So it's not the thing , it's how we then respond that's gonna either bring life or death . So we have a chance to do one , hopefully over the other one .

Speaker 1 7:46

We've been talking , we dove in last week and kind of launched this whole idea of represent , and in fact Pastor Larry talked about this idea of represent that as we , in our vision as a church , helping untrushed people become wholehearted followers of Jesus , and that we do that by representing Jesus to people who maybe had an experience that wasn't actually truly Jesus . But then this week we're gonna get to look at and even answer that question of saying is that to represent Jesus , you must first represent Jesus , and I believe that you can represent Jesus best in your most difficult times . I believe you can represent Jesus best in conflict and calling out sin , not in those joyful times which are important as well . So we're gonna be looking at Matthew 18 , 15 through 18 . If you have a Bible , I'd love for you to open it up . If not , it'll be on the big sky Bible behind me . But either way , we're gonna be marching through 15 through 18

Restoration and Love in Community

Speaker 1 8:36

.

Speaker 1 8:37

Let's start right now . It says if your brother or sister sins , go and point out their fault , just between the two of you , and if they listen to you , you have won them over . But if they will not listen , take one or two others along so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses . If they still refuse to listen , tell it to the church , and if they refuse to listen even to the church , treat them as you would . A pagan or a tax collector . Yeah , welcome to Northgate . We will be making a line of pagans here . Taxi , no , just kidding .

Speaker 1 9:16

Verse 18 , you get me off track . What's it doing ? Truly , I tell you verse 18 , whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven . And so up to this point , we are instructed by Jesus to protect and love one another . That hasn't changed . We're still in 18 .

Speaker 1 9:32

We are the ones like , if you look at your Bible and it says these different headings or even the numbers in there , we added those . That wasn't Jesus , it wasn't like Jesus said chapter 18 . We added that so that we could find it later . So then what he was saying in 18 about protecting the children , going after the one , this then is kind of then the double click and the expansion of that Last week versus 10 through 14 was the what . Then this is what Jesus does with the one . This is now how . So it's not different . It's a continuation on of what was being talked about . And so then if you look at this and I've read so many different commentaries and different experiences and exposures to this passage that talks clearly about that . It's gonna go to excommunication and you just go . That's not at all what this says .

Speaker 1 10:18

And so if you read it from the perspective of saying that this is actually then the continuation of what's happening in 10 through 14 , then you have an understanding of restoration and love and Karen going after the one , just like Jesus did , because the parable in 10 through 14 was that it was the going after the one lost sheep and look , I don't know why the sheep wandered away . What I know is that sheep alone don't survive by themselves . They're not super bright . I don't like that . We're compared to sheep . That's not my favorite . Now I don't know why the sheep left . It could have been because they had that sheep had a bad wool day . Thank you very much everybody . They could have been grumpy , I don't know . And it didn't matter to Jesus . He still went after them and that he went after them .

Speaker 1 11:04

And actually I believe that we can still love and protect somebody even when we're having a hard conversation . I really believe that and in fact I think that those , those hard and difficult conversations are gonna be the foundation of how we build a community worth something living in and protecting and caring for . I believe appropriate conversations , appropriate discipline and consequences are the benchmark of healthy relationships , probably best seen . And with parenting I mean . Come on , we've all seen those kids who are and everyone has an opinion about an undisciplined kid . Right , you all probably saw him at your Christmas gatherings , you're like who's that parent , that undisciplined kids right there ?

Speaker 1 11:44

We long for discipline , so then on one side , it's like we want that discipline , and then the other side , there is an appropriate way that we're able to do it , and what we see , even at 18 , is this is that in 18 , it says that we have a responsibility in this . So it's not a saying no , no , no , we've just gotten this out of hand . It's saying there's a way that we're able to do this , because it says in 18 that what we bind on earth is bound in heaven . So he's asking us to care about the right things , as if it were to say that on earth , as it is in heaven that we are helping to advance God's kingdom here , and how we care for and conflict with other people , with other people when there's a danger of harm in the church , it's a responsibility . Ephesians five says that there should not even be a hint of sexual immorality or of a kind of impurity or of greed , because they're improper for God's holy people .

Speaker 1 12:38

We looked at Matthew seven a few months ago , and it talked about the fact that we were supposed to identify wolves and sheep's clothing . So again , though , we don't want there to be people of ill intent here ? There might be , and it is our responsibility to care for , because God jealously loves his bride , the church . So there is a responsibility in that . But again , there's a way to go about doing that . In Matthew seven it says that we are to identify wolves and sheep's clothing based on their fruit , which you identify fruit over a harvest season , not while it's sitting at a fruit stand . Right , and so often is that we show up on a Sunday and that we have a very strong opinion about who people are and what they're doing and how they're doing it , because of the fruit stand that we see sitting before us , but that we weren't a part of the harvesting , of seeing it happen . Interesting enough , if a fruit stays at a fruit stand for too long , it gets rotten . Different sermon , different day . But make no mistake , we have a responsibility in this .

Speaker 1 13:39

Okay , however , I think that when we use scripture for the justification of hate and division , we are absolutely reading it wrong . So may we , as we look at each of these passages , have the heart of Jesus as we read this and saying there is a responsibility that we have , but there's also a way that we can do it that honors God and builds and protects community . So verse I'm sorry 15 , one more time . It says if your brother or sister sins , go and point out their fault , just between the two of you , if they listen to you , you have won them over . And that word sins , you see , at the start , if your brother or sister sins , it's the action of , it's exactly what it looks like , it's the violating of God's divine law . So in fact , that actually , just right out the gates , gives us a metric of what it is that we are concerned about and the things that may have caught our attention . And so it's saying if they've sinned , then you go and talk to them .

Speaker 1 14:33

So then here's what that doesn't necessarily mean . That doesn't necessarily mean that it's doing something that I don't like them doing . It's that they're wearing something that I don't like that they're wearing , dating somebody that I don't like them dating or participating in something that I don't like . It's not something that makes me uncomfortable and it's not something that would put them in an advantage over me , despite how hard I've worked and I feel like it's something that I deserve and they got . None of those things are necessarily sin . They may be , but not necessarily .

Speaker 1 15:05

And here's the other part is that there are plenty of things that are also just unwise . Scripture talks a lot about wisdom , and so there are things that people are doing that they're aiming their lives towards things that lack wisdom . That could then lead to sin , or it could also just be something that is unwise . That really is kind of for you to determine through prayer and petition and seeking God's word . But here's the thing that I would just say in all this is land here . Ask this is it breaking the heart of God or is it just breaking your heart ? Because those are different things . Now , through God's spirit leading and teaching and guiding us , is that my life is then realigning and looking more like his heart . But is it breaking your heart or is it breaking God's heart ? And hopefully both . Because here's what I'll tell you is it ?

Speaker 1 15:51

In seasons of my life I've never confronted the fatherless and the widow , people that don't care for the fatherless and the widow they just haven't . People who have kept things to their self and have left people there . That , for some reason , doesn't bother me . But what does bother me and what you're gonna see ? My outrage is based on what somebody wears or if they spill coffee on our new chairs . I see that , oh no , just kidding . What group they signed up for or what they didn't do , how they're spending their time . Those are the things that actually seem to get me really frustrated . But yet true religion is caring for the fatherless and the widows . Am I protecting that ? So you have a reason to bring something to somebody's attention , because there is this beautiful picture of restoration and I've experienced it myself to where somebody has brought something to my attention and I didn't even realize that I was sitting , or maybe I did know , and finally I go oh , it's actually having an impact on somebody else , and I've also done the same to other people , and there's been restoration and it's gone well . Now here's the other part in all this . Just because we're relational people , is that you have permission to talk

Sin, Conflict, Grace in the Church

Speaker 1 16:58

to people .

Speaker 1 16:59

If somebody hurts your feelings or frustrates you or is doing something in a way that doesn't work for you , it doesn't make it a sin , though . By the year ago , my wife and I kind of sat down and we decided that we wanted to really work on balancing our budget and tracking our spending in different things , and after about six months I went to her and I said hey , the way that you're writing down some of this stuff and letting me know about some of the things that you're spending , it's really tough , especially for like Amazon and Target , because I'm just not able to see where we spend it , so it's hard to track , and she goes I'm sorry , and she fixed it and it was fine . It wasn't a sin , it was just a mistake , right . But just picture this . I mean , like take it all the way to the nth degree , is that I sat here and she did that . She didn't know that it was my preference , and so then all of a sudden I go and I grab past her , larry and some of the board of counsel and I come to her and I was like Shera , sister in the Lord , you should probably know . I mean like it's insane , right . But again , that's sometimes where we take these things of going . It's just a mistake and actually a conversation between two people would solve an enormous amount of this .

Speaker 1 17:58

But go back to the actual verse and to say that appropriate conflict and confrontation of sin brings about health and life , because see the outcome . Go back to the verse and it says that if you do this appropriately , if one to one , if you talk to them and they agree that they are sinning , then guess what you've done ? One them over . You've won them over and not I won . That's not what this is . It's not that this was a conflict , that you were right and they were wrong and that you won . That word won them over actually means to gain them , or actually the translation in the Greek is to spare , which means , if they were sinning and they were violating the law of God , is that they were headed towards death and the thing that was stopping them . God chose you to be the messenger to let them know that they were headed towards death , headed towards a cliff , and that you stopped them , that you won them from that and that you've changed their actions of destruction towards life For them or for the church . That's the heartbeat and that's the end of what it is that we're trying to do here .

Speaker 1 19:01

There's also a nuance in all of this of recognizing that , as we talk about spending time in relationship with other people , that there's gonna be different expectations on different people , based on the thing that they've said yes to , and also the then , the role that they play , so based on their time and their maturity , the roles that they have , even the positions they have on staff for volunteering . I'll say it like this I should be held to a higher standard than somebody who just came through the door , not because I am better than you , but to say I have said willingly , not coerced said yes , yes to Jesus , yes to this position of leadership in this season , which also then means I have more influence , which means I have more access , which means I have more responsibility . It's why we see in James that it says that not all of you should aspire to be teachers , because you're held to a higher standard . So then you should absolutely have that , and though that may not be true for every person here . So it's not levels of sin , but it's just levels of access and influence .

Speaker 1 20:00

And recognizing that for some people is that they've stepped into community but they haven't said yes to Jesus yet , and then we're holding them to the standard of a senior pastor and they never said yes , and that's not something that they can do . So here's what I would say stop holding onto the standard that they never said yes to , please . And this is where , as a church , it was one of the things that was so compelling about Northgate that we said this is a place that I wanna be because it is a grace-filled community . It's a grace-filled community not forsaking sin and not being soft on sin , but being a place where grace has then lived out . And so for some people , they haven't gotten there yet . They're not where you are , they're not where I'm at and they're just the place where you're at , just barely holding on in that seat or in a life group or volunteering in the calf . But they're not where they need to be yet and , as we are people in process , god's gonna do something with them .

Speaker 1 20:59

I saw this quote and I thought . I thought it was interesting because I actually believe that the church is as much for outsiders as it is for those who already sit here . The church exists primarily for the sake of those who are still outside it . It is a mistake to suppose that God is only , or even chiefly , concerned with religion . Now , this is a quote that I found and it made me start to think . I'm not sure if I agree with the primarily , but I do know that God is concerned more about the people than he is the seat that we sit in , the method in which the coffee is served , or how it is that we ask people to volunteer . God is not as concerned about the organization of religion as he is about his bride , his church , and so , in all of this , I think that for some people , they're just checking out Jesus , they're just checking out Northgate , and it needs to be a safe place for them , and we have to help them , as they are people in process , because , as broken and as clumsy as it is , you , my friends , if you have said yes to Jesus , you are a representative of Jesus , and I don't know why he chose me either . I'm not sure , but for today I've said yes and he's chosen me , and I'm going to step in and I'm going to be faithful . But here's what I will

Conflict Resolution in the Church

Speaker 1 22:07

say .

Speaker 1 22:08

I saw this quote as well . It said it's hard to convince people that a God they can't see loves them when a church that they can see doesn't seem to like them . I know I had to read it twice , so I'm going to read it for you again it's hard to convince people that a God they can't see seems to love them when a church that they can see doesn't seem to even like them . May we be people that are living out and representing Jesus well , so that , and that was just the first verse . Let's keep moving Verse 16 , but if they will not listen , take one or two others along so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses .

Speaker 1 22:47

Conflict makes people do weird stuff , doesn't it ? It gets real sideways fast , and so I think some of this is just . It's just protection , it's making sure that the thing that you're thinking is what's being communicated . Having an outside voice , having calmer heads prevail . Here's the other part that you need to be prepared for . If you were going to approach somebody , you could be wrong . You could . Maybe it could be that your interpretation of what they're doing is wrong and that maybe it's going to get turned all the way around and all of a sudden the sins back on you . Are you ready to say you're sorry , two or more ? I think it's bringing somebody else into this and allowing for some level of care to happen with the smallest group possible , so that it doesn't get too far away from you .

Speaker 1 23:35

I wonder if you guys played telephone growing up . You started over here and you're talking about something very normal and it made sense , and then it just gets passed from person to person to person and all of a sudden it gets way out of line over here . It's actually one of the benefits , I think , that what this generation has , they contain take screenshots of stuff so they can look back at things from six months ago and be like nope , nope , that's not what you said . This is exactly what you said , and you're like , sorry , there was no , there was no attrition there at all . But that's not what they're talking about here . They're saying bring a couple other people for care for that person and then it becomes a church matter . They still refuse to listen verse 17, . Tell it to the church and if they refuse to listen to even the church .

Speaker 1 24:18

Now , unfortunately , here's the problem for me , and what I've seen in the church is this is where we start . This is step one , and in fact , it's not even step one . It's we don't take it to the church . We actually just start talking about it among the church . But it's fine because we're talking about it . It's prayer requests , right . We're just really concerned for that other person and so .

Speaker 1 24:39

But the problem is this is that correction is usually done with very little relationship and it's done without relationship and it's done without self reflection of the person who started this whole conflict , which then leads to an uncomfortable level of broken relationship and hypocrisy . So then go back and it's almost like a quick recap of verse 15 says start with one , start with the one person , go there . And in fact I would actually say though it doesn't say this , but scripture seems to back this up is , before you start with one , approaching that one person , there needs to be a level of self-interspection that you do for yourself . Matthew 7 , 3 through 5 says it like this why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye ? How could you say to your brother let me take the speck out of your eye , when all the time there is a plank in your own eye ? You hypocrite . First take the plank out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye . Let's be clear there is wood in both people's eyes , okay , and so that conversation needs to happen , but it's rarely done with the self reflection of your own life and the things that you need to own before you're then taking it to somebody else .

Speaker 1 25:51

Step one go to the person to bring somebody else , but let me just say what does that look like ? Think about that , that man . When a couple of people are approaching one person in a conflict situation , if a couple of people are approaching somebody who's stuck in a house and it's burning down , you're going to be really happy to see a lot of people . But in a conflict like this , if a bunch of people are running after one person , you are immediately going to be put on the defensive and so recognize as the person who has . It didn't work one on one is that when you have two or three that are approaching , what sort of an environment are you creating for them to have a tough conversation ?

Speaker 1 26:31

And then you go to the church and our understanding of the church is way different than what was then . I can promise you this and you may be disappointed , but we are never , at the end of the 11 o'clock service , gonna bring up a bunch of people and have grievances Like that's just not what it's ever gonna be . Grab your coffee . It's grievance Sunday everybody . So bring your person Like that's not how it's gonna be and that was actually never . I'm not saying that this church that we have is not the way that it was intended , but this isn't the gathering of the church .

Speaker 1 26:57

We often times think that Jesus feeding the 5,000 was just a mega church , and it's not . It's a gathering of people who were being taught and assembled by God and His Spirit and being cared for by Jesus . Churches were home churches . It was eight people , it was a small community . So then , for us , in our context , that's bringing it before trusted people within the church who are able to care . So I still don't think I don't see anywhere in here that there's any permission to drag them up on stage , and that's not gonna happen here on a Sunday .

Speaker 1 27:23

And here's the other part is it's still done with the end result of restoration and resolution . So then go to the end and know how you're gonna start . Is what you want is restoration and resolution , and that's going to order your steps on how you do it . If you want a pound of flesh , you're gonna do it much differently , and so , just as you work your way towards this , know how that's going to happen . Is it restoration ? Because mine isn't always , and so at those points and times I stop , because I go , this isn't , I'm mad about something else , and so it's my time to stop and just consider that and what God's doing in my life and understand this the bigger the tool you use to smash the sin , the bigger the repair . You're going to be committing yourself to Understand that If you're just removing like a light socket from the wall , like that's just a flat head screwdriver , but if you got to knock down a wall , that's gonna take a lot more to rebuild . So then be ready , knowing that if you're willing to take that sort of a tool and take it to the church level , then you've also then signed up for following this all the way through . You're signing up for ongoing fellowship and shepherd-like pursuit of that person for a long , long time . So then , first half of 17 said take it to the church and then after that , if still at that point they are unrepentant and they continue to be in sin , then treat them as you

Love for Pagans and Tax Collectors

Speaker 1 28:49

would .

Speaker 1 28:49

A pagan or a tax collector , which again that pagan and tax collector so many of the interpretations said then we got to kick them out , and I go nowhere in there . Do I see anything about kicking out the pagan or the tax collector ? In fact , I will say , said the pastor , I think pagan has gotten a really bad rap . I think the word pagan's gotten a really bad rap , because what I see is I was reading about this the original pagans were actually just people who were outside of Judaism and that they had a polytheistic . They had many , many gods , which if you didn't believe in the Hebrew God , then you had many , many gods that you believed in . Today , for us , we actually use pagan as somebody who doesn't attend a church or a synagogue or a temple , and so then pagan is a very it's a very broad stroke of saying it's somebody who hasn't adhered to Christian values and beliefs . And that they're a pagan that doesn't necessarily mean that they should be harmed or not cared , in fact . I thought this was interesting . I saw this in the Atlantic . It says most ancient pagan belief systems centered on the self . The revolutionary contribution of monotheism , christianity was the insistence that the principal concern of God is , instead of self or yourself , is how people treat one another . If you wanna know the difference between a pagan and a Christian , it's how they love other people . It's as if that song they will know us and they will know us by our love , by our love . It's like they got it right .

Speaker 1 30:16

Right Over Christmas , we did just an amazing event here . It was called the Winter Extravaganza . Did anyone get to participate in that or serve at it . It was phenomenal . We had hundreds of people come up here . I think that we somewhere north of 1200 people came up here and there was hot cocoa , there was a craft tent , there was snow , that was actually soap , so some kids got the first bath that they've had in weeks . It was really exciting .

Speaker 1 30:48

And then the big thing in the center was an ice skating rink . It was an ice skating rink People waited for hopefully not too long , but I saw some people waiting upwards of an hour so they got to ice skate and it was free and it was awesome . Do you know who that ice skating rink was ? For ? The pagans . It was for the pagans . Now there are people probably in here who ice skated . I saw the high schoolers who ice skated . I hope you had a great time . It wasn't for you , but I'm glad that you enjoyed it .

Speaker 1 31:14

It was for the pagans . It was for people who were far away from the things of faith , who would possibly trust Northgate and the kingdom of God was coming and as they are working out their faith with fear and trembling that they would come and see that this is a place that's safe and that they would go . I don't believe what you believe , but I'm safe to come here and this is a good place and I'm gonna ice skate and I'm gonna get some hot cocoa . So then what I'm saying is this is that if we want to be biblical and follow what scripture says , that at the point that they are sinning and unrepentant , that we need to treat them like a pagan is , if you want to treat them like a pagan , then rent them an ice rink , sorry . And then it goes on . To make your day a little bit more inconvenient is rent them an ice rink and then it says or a tax collector , which Jesus saw Zacchaeus , who was a tax collector and he said come out of the tree , I'm gonna go spend the night at your house . So if you want to treat them like a pagan and a tax collector , rent them an ice rink and have a slumber party . That's what you should do and that's our responsibility , not only to those that we may not see eye to eye with people who are in sin or people who are far away from Jesus . But if we as a church are not that , then we have missed it , because don't forget , my friends , at some point or another . You are a pagan too , and so was I , and we were far away from the things of God , and the thing that warmed my heart towards that was Jesus using somebody to win me back because I was spared . I was spared and I went and I was headed in this direction and somebody , because of the loving kindness of Jesus , loved me enough to say that's a mess , you're a train wreck , but I will love you still and there's a place here . There's absolutely a place for you here , because Jesus did it for us first , and I mean , and he went as far he went , and he did what we did not did . We deserve for him to do that ? Absolutely not .

Speaker 1 33:15

Second Corinthians , five 21 , says it like this it says God made him , who had no sin , to be sin for us so that in him we might become the righteousness of God . Now you know how God's word is alive and active and it just , and it doesn't change , but it resonates differently . I read it different this time and as I looked at that , I said that's not just that Jesus was not a sinner and then became a sinner , it was that he became the very DNA of sin . He became the one thing that God can't tolerate a sin . As a holy God , he can't tolerate . And God , who loved us so much , he gave his son so that , when we believe in him , shall not perish but have everlasting life , is that he said . I will allow my son to become the one thing that I cannot tolerate , to absorb , then that sin that you and I can't deal with . That's what he did , and he did that for you and for me , and so why shouldn't we allow others to experience that same love ? So then , how do you fix an unrepentant sinner ? Love them , love them , love them back in consistently , abundantly and for a very , very long time , an inconvenient , long time .

Speaker 1 34:27

Now , what I will say is that could mean that it would change their access . I talked about that a little bit . It changes their access in the same way that I wouldn't have an unbeliever run a Bible study . I wouldn't necessarily let somebody like that . Their access has changed , so you're not gonna run a Bible study , but you can have any seat here anyone , in fact , you get to pick first . So I believe , based on what I see in scripture and who we are trying to be as followers of Jesus , that there's a right way to represent by living Christ-like , not being Christ . That job's already taken and I don't really want it . It only works if we begin to live into how we are best wired to represent Jesus and care for each other and community .

Speaker 1 35:13

For me , what I'm seeing , what I'm actually really excited about , is in the coming weeks we are gonna be stepping into this thing called rooted . Rooted is the first 10 weeks , thank you , thank you very much . Rooted is the first 10 weeks of a life group . That's as simple as I can say it . And why it works is this is it rooted is the rhythms of a Christian ? It's worshiping , it's learning about being generous , it's serving one another , it's praying together . There's nothing super magical about it . In fact , when I did root it for the first time , probably about 10 years ago , and I opened up the book and I'm like I know all these answers I'm a professional Christian , so I wrote them down I got like an A plus in Jesus that day .

Living in Community and Handling Conflict

Speaker 1 35:54

But what I saw time after time is that , as we sat down and experienced those habits and those patterns and those rhythms together , is that we were then living out these things . And you know what , right as rain , we started getting closer and closer and closer , and I had people that had hard conversations with me because we were in community together and they saw stuff that we needed to fix and I did the same for them . But it was done in community . It was done in a place where we had a trusted and we had a long ramp of relationship so that we could then live that out Together . And so we're launching root in next Wednesday .

Speaker 1 36:25

I'd love for you to be a part of it . If you all said , yes , we for sure don't have that many leaders , but we can figure it out . Being a part of something that allows us to experience community in the way that we are called to , to represent and to reflect Jesus is , I think , the best way that we're going to be able to handle any of this conflict . So here's what I'll say . I think how we confront and fight and care and restore I think it all matters . I think you can have the best Christmas program in the world , and we had an amazing one . You can have the best Christmas program in the world and then we can let people leave this building and spiritually jump them in the parking lot , and I don't think that that's what we want to do , but it's like . It's like saying well , of course we're all happy with each other . We're when we're doing great things like Christmas programs and eating ice cream .

Speaker 1 37:16

Have you ever seen anyone sad ? Is he eating ice cream ? Never , never . That's why you've never seen anyone sad eating ice cream . In fact , if you see somebody crying and eating ice cream , it's really weird , like it's just weird and so like it's not about saying things are great when things are great . It's saying that God is good when things are hard . That's what we get an opportunity to then live into as we step into this , because the world knows they're watching , they're watching , they're watching , they're seeing and it's gotten outside how the church handles its own and it's gotten outside how we handle conflict and it's kind of gross and we're better than that . We're better than that . And this sermon isn't , like I said , it's not about being soft on sin , but it oftentimes feels like when we see a problem in somebody else's life which is quicker than the problem that we see in our own , is that we get really excited about eating our young and not apologizing about it at all , and I don't think that ought to be . That ought to not be .

Speaker 1 38:23

I've got a very close friend . I've been friends with him now for probably 10 , 15 years and he's been in ministry for 20 . He was in ministry for 20 years and about a year ago he started making some decisions that were not wise and that were sinful and as we had conversations he acknowledged it and he kept going and he's still in that process and God is in the midst of him , continuing to say no to God in some ways that I wish that he wouldn't . He is seeing God's grace and experiencing it in ways that he hadn't before , which is we see in Romans . Paul says should I sin so that grace should increase ? May it never be so . That's not the point , but he says , as I talked to him , I actually called him and asked him about this this week . He said man , Jeff , I'll tell you what I sure used to be about truth and justice and I wish I could find a little grace and mercy right now .

Speaker 1 39:19

He's been in ministry for about 20 years and he said that he can count on two hands the amount of people that have called him to see how he's doing , to confront him , to have the hard conversations . He said under 10 people have called me in this last year . A lot of people have talked about me though I know that you know the nuns that Larry talked about here a couple of weeks ago about people who are just . They don't identify as a religion or a way of life or a belief . They're just saying I want none of it . I think that some of how we handle conflict and some of this has contributed to that . I think it's them sitting on the outside and saying if this is how you're going to handle difficult situations and brokenness and sin and conflict , then I want to have nothing to do with you or your God , or any God for that matter . And I think that there are people limping all over this church and this community because of the way that we felt like we were protecting God , when God doesn't need us to protect . He needs us to obey .

Speaker 1 40:25

There was a couple of years ago in youth ministry , as you would expect . I was playing broom ball and I tore my ACL and I was up at Humelake and I slid into the wall like this and I've got pictures , just kidding Now , but I slid into the wall and I felt my knee pop and it was just . It was awful I had . So I was broken , absolutely broken . In fact I'd stand up sometimes and my knee would just like kind of collapse under it . It was super handy . We had the chief surgeon of the Fresno State Bulldogs who did all the orthopedic stuff and he was on my insurance and he was just a nice guy . He probably didn't make a whole lot of my surgery but he fixed me really good . I can jump super high . I can remember I got fast shoes on . I could run from one side of the city Like you should see it . I'm not going to . That'd be such a weird way to end this whole thing . Look how fast I can run . I was broken but I was fixed because of the care that I received along the way . What if we took our broken and set them outside and said , why don't you come back when you can run fast and you can jump high ?

Speaker 1 41:35

I don't think that's how God's called us to be as a community . So then the question is this we can love Jesus and other people when it's good , but can you represent Jesus when times are tough ? Can you be Jesus ? You know , I thought it was interesting and I'll end with this . Is that I thought it was interesting

Confronting Sin and Building Community

Speaker 1 41:56

?

Speaker 1 41:56

Is that you know what in conflict , we kind of default to our basic instincts of the you run and you fight and you flee and you hide . As I look in the scripture , you know what runs and fights and fleas and hides Sin , sin runs and fights and fleas and hides . And interesting that , with the best of intentions , when we're trying to call out sin and somebody else , that , if it's handled improperly , is that all of a sudden we've allowed sin to take a foothold and grow bigger than we ever intended it to . The process of confrontation and calling out sin shouldn't be our identity . It should just be a part of us obeying and caring for and building community . But we should know as a group that who that , that as a group of people who represent Jesus in every season of our life . It needs to be the same in what is good and when it's difficult . But then , as we represent Jesus , we then have now earned the right to represent Jesus , as we even ended last week .

Speaker 1 43:03

So may we , as we aim our lives in our community and our relationships back towards a representation of Jesus , may it honor him in both the wonderful times and also in those times when we step in in obedience to who God has called us to be . So let me pray for us and then we'll spend a little time in response as well . Father , you've made us relational people and you haven't trusted us with the church . That comes at a heavy cost sometime , and , god , we're grateful that you , as as God sent , sent Jesus to die for the church , that you love us that much . So , god , now we're entrusted with that , and relationships are weird and they're delicate , but , god , it ends with with love and protection and bringing the one back into the fold . May we consider , even now , with people that we have or need to have conversations . May it be done in a way that honors you , represents you , for it represents our own personal preference . Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven , amen .