Speaker 1: 0:13

Hey friends, it is good to be with you. All right, how is that me making all the bonkin noise? My name is Larry. It is good to be with you. I am one of the pastors here we have been. I am going to jump right into it because we have a lot to unpack today. We have been actually this is our fifth week in a relationship series called For Better or For Worse. This is for everyone, and today I am going to add a little extra emphasis on dating and singleness. This is a really important topic. So some of you are going to learn what people are going through. Some of you are going to be like, yep, that is what it is like. This is what we are going through. You are going to be able to help other people and come alongside of them. Hopefully, we are going to be able to grab some great things out of today. Here is the deal we are out of the bath. It is complicated to set up, kind of our direction for today.

Speaker 1: 1:08

I have a few quotes from the internet that I found. Benjamin says this about online dating. He says online dating is the worst. Each time I ask friends ranging from early 20s to their 40s how the temperature in the dating pool is, I met with borderline hostility. For all the talk of the ease of the dating app allows for a potential date, the impression I am left with is everyone is swimming in a pool. They all took a dump in. Instead of shocking the water and getting out, everyone just decided they needed to keep swimming in the sewage, perhaps even adding to it, because that pool is where people swim. So if you haven't gotten it yet, it is a mess. It is hard. Some of you guys that aren't in that single dating scene you are like think the Lord every day that you are not in it right now. It is like what other option do you have? It is a mess, it is horrible. But hey, if you are going to date, these are your only options. This is your only approach.

Speaker 1: 2:10

I met some single ladies and single man on vacation with my wife and I was like asking them what is the scene like? What is going on? I need some information what this looks like. They said bumble is no good anymore and hinge seems to be working right now towards a real connection-ish. But all of these things are starting with just like this text thread in this conversation that consumes much of your day, including your relational energy.

Speaker 1: 2:38

Shania says this online. She says I saw a meme once that read. It used to be how long do we date before we have sex? Now it is how long do we have sex before we date Before this is actually a relationship. Aiden writes we don't communicate. We don't communicate our feelings to one another. Instead, we play this guessing game with no intention of being with that person, because it means you care and you're weak, because whoever cares the least wins right. One more, rebecca. She writes this I'm definitely as much to blame as any of the men I meet.

Speaker 1: 3:15

I'm often unwilling to make space in my life a relationship needs in order to thrive. Maybe this will change when I meet the right man, the right person. So today I'm just going to start with a flamethrower. This stuff is hard.

Speaker 1: 3:33

There are issues and as long as our culture approaches romance and sexual attraction and relationships like a child, it will be complicated. What are children? Naturally, we were all one. Some of you have raised them. Children are naturally impatient, self-seeking, self-centered, selfish, easily angered, easily distracted, ill-mannered, rude. They want to be held until they don't want to be held anymore. All of a sudden, they're like I'm going to get down, I'm going to go over there. They pout in order to get their way. So here's my advice we just need to grow up and act like children in our dating culture. And it's easy for me to say because I'm married, but I look at what happens in our culture and what's happening in our culture and we all hear the aftermath and we hear the stories and I just want to grab culture by the shoulders and say, hey, you know how to do this. Just grow up. Let's put the ways of our childhood behind us, because if you don't, it makes the most fascinating, powerful, extraordinary thing in the world just too complicated.

Speaker 1: 4:48

It creates this myth that it doesn't matter how I treat the wrong persons, because when I meet the right person I will become a better person, that it doesn't really matter how I treat her because I'm not going to marry her. It doesn't really matter how I treat him because I'm not going to marry him. It doesn't matter what I do in this particular season of my life because I don't plan on getting married in this particular season of my life. It doesn't matter what I do right now, because I'm at graduate school, because I'm going to get my career going and then I'll settle down after that. It doesn't matter how I treat these guys, it doesn't matter how I treat these women, it doesn't matter. This is a myth. I'm going on my way somewhere and when I meet the right person, I'm going to settle down, because when I meet the right person, I'll become a better person. You won't, you won't.

Speaker 1: 5:42

It doesn't work that way, and you will have missed this season in your life where you have this opportunity to prepare for that day where you have not taken this opportunity to exercise your relationship muscles. And the thing is is that you need to exercise them now. By the way, if you think about this, this is so exciting. How exciting would it be to think that someone else is working on themselves, on their relationship muscle right now? For your future as well, dating is an exercise. Dating is preparation.

Speaker 1: 6:24

Dating, many of you know, is risky. Dating the right way is healthy because it's actually preparation, and dating. A lot of times what it does is it surfaces our greatest fears and, for some of us, even our insecurities and our anxieties. So, when you think about it, no wonder people want to avoid actually dating. Instead, look for a substitute or some kind of workaround that won't force you to exercise your relationship. Muscle your courage, muscle your self-control muscle. Do you know where self-control comes from? Where you learn that? You learn self-control when you have to use self-control right. When you don't have to have self-control anymore, you don't exercise your self-control muscle. But now is the time for you to exercise the self-control muscle for the future, and all of these are necessary for an actual relationship.

Speaker 1: 7:24

Now, many of you have seen over this last month so far in this series, when it comes to relationships, the New Testament in the Bible is extraordinarily helpful. When it comes to relationship, the New Testament is great because the New Testament this is where we find this overarching command that Jesus actually gives all of us. In the New Testament we find that there's all these applications of Jesus's overarching love as I have loved you. But when it comes to dating, not so much. You don't find anything in there. There's no dating advice in the New Testament or the Old Testament, because back then married people, they were just committed to each other. They were promised to each other by their parents. There was no dating culture. There was no adolescent culture or singles culture.

Speaker 1: 8:19

Back in ancient times, women guarded their virginity like they were guarding their life, because, in most instances, having to guard it like their life guaranteed themselves some sort of future. It was an honor and shame culture. Dignity was not determined by the fact that you were an actual human being. Dignity was determined by who you were related to, what nation and citizenship you belong to, how much money you or your family had. And then Jesus came along. I'm gonna tell you right now, friends, this is why everyone should be a follower of Jesus, because Jesus came along and he introduced for the first time, in this holistic way, dignity for the entire world, for everyone who was ever born, made in his image. Jesus is the one that argued for, paved the way for human rights, women's rights, children's rights, minorities' rights.

Speaker 1: 9:31

But with all of that having been said and done and with all of the instructions that we find in the New Testament, he didn't, and no one in the New Testament, said anything about dating. So for the next five minutes, give me five minutes. This is not the saith the Lord, this is the saith me, a TED talk, if you will. We're just gonna say what it is. These are my opinions, these are my insights. They are insights from years and years and years of talking to people who've done it right, who've done it wrong, who've navigated it successfully. And now, first, let me just say this there is nothing wrong with being single and staying that way and loving it. I mean, like, actually your life is a lot better. I'm just gonna say that right now, Just straight up, like we're just gonna say it Like oh, the days right, the bank account, all the things, the noise yeah, it's interesting if you.

Speaker 1: 10:34

There's so many studies out there. But studies say that the percentage of single Americans who are looking for a relationship or casual dates are actually lower than they were in 2019 pre-COVID, especially among men, that the number has dropped fairly drastically. Here's a graph that some of you guys might find interesting. For a second, based on the different generations, you have Gen Z, millennials, gen X, baby boomers. You know, first category enjoy being single more than being in a relationship. I mean, like this, gen Z groups like, yeah, I don't wanna mess with it, it's chaotic out here, or can't find someone who meets my expectations, or how about this one find it difficult to meet? Everyone says it's difficult to meet somebody. Or just, I'm busy. I have other priorities than to relationally give myself to that. So there's all kinds of stats out there about who's interested, not interested, kind of what the temperature in the water is.

Speaker 1: 11:29

But for some of the lessons learned for those who want to date, let me go ahead and give them to you. First lesson is this Guys, ask girls on dates. The word dates right. Use the word dates Like I would like to take you on a date too. Like this is what we're gonna do, not this, hey, you wanna hang out, right. Or like, hey, you wanna do something sometime. That is a word. Use the word date Like this is what the ladies wanna hear. Guys, this is what you gotta. Here's the thing. It's clarity, and clarity is honoring. Clarity shows respect to someone.

Speaker 1: 12:14

Ask a girl, ask a woman to do something specific on a specific date. I can't tell you when I was talking to the single friends on the vacations, how many amens I got from these ladies. They were like hallelujah, right, we're coming to your church. So I'm gonna give you an example. Guys, I'm gonna give you an example. And ladies, some of you ladies, are asking like, really, you gotta give them an example, like you literally have to give them an example. And, guys, we're just not that good at it. I'm just gonna say, ladies, we're just not that, we're not good at this stuff. So here's what. I'm gonna give you an example. And, guys, I'm not even gonna use the word date in this example, but don't be afraid of the word date. So here's what it looks like. I have tickets next to the game next giant tickets to the next week, wednesday. So it's specific. They know If you're available, so they have an out right. I would enjoy taking you. That's what that looks like.

Speaker 1: 13:08

Guys, this is a big deal right here, and this is why. Because it has taken you weeks, maybe even months, to get up the courage to ask this. And, like you have taken all this time, you got your friends praying for you. But how much time? When you do this, when you ask her on our date, have you given her Zero time, zero time. So when you're prepared with a specific thing, it honors her by giving her an option to decide right To work that. So work the courage muscle, work this clarity muscle, honor her with options. That way, now she can stall right Now she can check her calendar and she now has the space and the time that you already had. And this is how you honor a woman by asking her to do something specific. It's a big deal, I'm telling you right now. It's a big deal. You've had the time to think and worry and now she has the time to think and to worry and to call her friends, and then they're gonna pray and all that good stuff.

Speaker 1: 14:11

Next one ladies, agree to dates, agree to actual dates. Don't agree to hang out somewhere. Like, set the bar. Wherever you set the bar at is where he's gonna live, right, like not the bar, like the bar of, like what you want this to look like. Don't agree just to meet or no, agree to a date. If he asks you to hang out, if he just says, hey, you wanna hang out sometime, right, ask this question well, do you have something specific in mind? Right, he won't. But and if he, if he says, if you just say yes to it, he's never gonna figure this dating thing out. It's just the way most of our wives and ladies don't do this. Don't say, well, yeah, sure, would you like to go to coffee sometime? Cause then he's gonna say when and now you're asking him on a date, right? And guys, I want you to understand this If a woman pushes you, pushes back and asks for specifics.

Speaker 1: 15:09

She's not being needy, she's actually complimenting you. She's saying I think you know what, you actually have the capacity to date. I think you have the capacity to plan. I think you actually have the capacity to show honor right now. Side note I have a sermon club. I go over this stuff with a team. I had a bigger team this week and they were like they're like you're bringing too much heat to the guys. You need to bring some heat to the ladies and say something. So, side note on this one ladies, when you're agreeing to a date, here's the deal Don't just agree to date him because you think he looks good and he's got some money and a nice job right, and you're gonna be his boo thing, right, because 30 days later you're gonna be like he's a horrible person, right, but he looked good and he had money. So don't be doing that either. When you're agreeing to dates, keep your values, make a list and make sure that's happening, all right.

Speaker 1: 16:06

Next one Don't ever mistreat anyone Like, even if they seem to not mind being mistreated, because here's the deal You're not taking your cue from them. You're not taking your cue from their previous girlfriend, their previous boyfriend their previous relationship. If you're a Jesus follower, a follower of Jesus I shouldn't even have to tell you this Because if you're a Jesus follower, you are taking your cue from how God, through Christ, has treated you and you must not mistreat anyone. He does not mistreat you and so you have no right. There is no flexibility, there is no margin to mistreat anyone. I don't care if you're dating a single, married, whatever, just as a follower of Jesus.

Speaker 1: 16:54

Come on and to be specific, as we think about this dating culture and what happens in the dating culture in the 21st century, here's the thing don't lie. This is like one of the basics, I know, like it's just not rocket science. But don't lie unless you're a liar, because that's what liars do. But are you a liar? No, you're not a liar. So don't lie and don't mislead.

Speaker 1: 17:21

Someone who misleads is a coward. Cowards mislead and you're not a coward, so don't lie and don't mislead the truth. Last one don't allow yourself to be mistreated. Don't allow yourself to be mistreated. You are too good for that for someone to mistreat you, and that's not arrogance. That's agreeing with what your heavenly father says about you, that you were worth dying for. Yes, you are too good for that. Don't allow yourself to be mistreated. How do you know if you're being mistreated? It's very simple If you saw someone treat your daughter, your son, your younger brother, your younger sister, niece or nephew, your single mom, the way that that person is treating you, if it would upset you if someone was treating those people that you love the way this person is treating you, if someone treated you that you love that way, then you should be upset. If somebody treats you that way, it's no different. So please, on whatever side of the relationship you are, just don't allow yourself to be constantly and consistently mistreated, because that will become your new normal and it's not normal, and your heavenly father and the people who know you and love you don't want that to be the normal for you. Close Ted talk, all right.

Speaker 1: 19:02

Like I said to you earlier, the New Testament has so much to say about relationships and it all stems from this one command that we are given. It's what I would actually like to spend the rest of my time on. See, here's the deal. It's about Jesus. Following Jesus doesn't just make your life better. Following Jesus actually makes you better at life, because when you choose to follow Jesus, he will lead you in the direction of relational integrity, because Jesus is all about relationships. You see, in the beginning God created heaven and earth, and then God created humanity and he gave us all personalities and God made us into his image, which means we are innately relational people. We were made for relationship, you were made for relationship, I was made for relationship, and if we are following Jesus, it's gonna up our relational game, not simply that you'll be happier, but so you will be more like your savior. When you read the gospels, jesus is the only one who can be more than you.

Speaker 1: 20:14

His invitation was not to pray to me. It wasn't to promise me you won't do this. It certainly wasn't to negotiate with me. His invitation was to follow me, follow me. To which we would ask well, where are you gonna take us? And he said I'm gonna take you somewhere simple. I'm gonna take you somewhere memorable. I'm gonna take you somewhere demanding and I'm gonna take you somewhere that's rewarding, because I'm gonna take you to this one single command that, when you understand it fully, it changes everything and has the potential to change everything, especially relationally.

Speaker 1: 21:02

So here's what Jesus left his first century followers with, here's what he left all of us with, and it's just so simple. I can't say that enough. It's so simple and we have complicated it, and people that do what I do for a living have complicated it, and the church has complicated it. It's so simple. He says if you forget everything else that I have said, everything else that I say hangs on this one thing. Just remember one thing Love each other, not as the way that you've been loved, not as the way that you hear about love, not as the way that you imagine love. You are to love each other as I this is Jesus have loved you, which is a whole different kind of love. It says in John 13, 34, through 35, a new commandment. This is the one, this is it that I give you. You are to love one another, just as I have loved you, I have loved you. You also love one another. Adding to this by this, all people, all people, all, not just a few. Everyone will know that you're my disciples if you love one another.

Speaker 1: 22:25

We're gonna spend the rest of our time talking about the fine print of this principle. These are the things that we have to get good at. This is our, our sweet skills, and and we read from the apostle Paul, who came along after Jesus and he was writing letters to the church and he took Jesus's single command here to love each other, that the way that I have loved you. And he takes it into the Gentile world which is us, this is this non-Jewish space, and he realizes, oh, like we got a little bit of a cultural challenge here, and so what he does for us is he begins to tease out so that they, so that we would understand exactly what Jesus meant when he said you are to love one another way that I have loved you. And he applies this to the Gentile world.

Speaker 1: 23:13

Now, just as a side note, if you're somebody who reads the Bible, especially reads the New Testament, this is so important to understand. This will help you and the relate, understand the relationship between Matthew, mark, luke and John, which is the four gospels, and then what the apostle Paul taught, which are these letters to the church, the apostle Paul's imperatives, or the apostle Paul's commands. Whenever you're reading one of his letters, he says here's what you should do and here's what you shouldn't do. He's not giving new commandments. He simply gives us these applications of what Jesus's one single command was. This is why, before his imperatives and after his imperatives, paul always ties everything to being in Christ or about Christ, or the resurrection, or just as God and Christ loved us. He's not giving us these new commands. He's saying here's what it looks like in the real world. So, essentially, the apostle Paul comes along and he defines love for us, but not our kind of love. He says you are to love each other the way that God, through Christ, has loved you. Paul says here's exactly what it looks like, that kind of love that's demonstrated for us through Christ. So here we go, here's what it looks like.

Speaker 1: 24:33

It comes from 1 Corinthians 13. Some of this is familiar to you guys. First thing, it says in 1 Corinthians 13.4, love is patient. Love is patient. It means love isn't pushing. If someone is pushing you, they are not loving you. Love actually pushes me to give room because you don't want to be pushed. And love chooses, because love always has a choice. Love chooses to then move at the pace of another person.

Speaker 1: 25:08

Love is a decision to pause rather than to push, and it's not natural. You know why it's not natural? Because your pace is natural. That's why you think everybody should run and live and do life at your pace. Because it's natural and you wonder what's wrong with everybody else. And that's what causes relational challenges. Love doesn't expect everybody to keep pace with me. Love says I'm going to like, discover and learn and figure out what your pace is and slow down or speed up to try to keep pace with you.

Speaker 1: 25:43

Love defers this because it's what God did for us. It's what God did for me. God didn't force his pace on us. See, god did the most extraordinary thing. God accommodated. In fact, the best way to understand the entire Old and New Testament is that God accommodates to our capacity. God, like a good father, leans in and speaks our language. He goes at our pace, because if you went at his pace, we wouldn't know anything about God. God accommodates our capacity and he said now, here's what I want you to do Dads, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends. I want you to get in habit. I want you to practice accommodating. I want you to accommodate other people's capacity.

Speaker 1: 26:43

Now, the myth and culture is this language around compromising. Don't mix this up with compromising values or integrity. This is about patience and accommodating another's need, saying I want to move in and lean in someone else's direction. God moved at our pace. We're to do the same for others, to go the distance and we're to do the same for the other. We're to do the same for the other and later.

Speaker 1: 27:22

Love is patient. Are you pushing? Stop it. Be willing to move at the pace of the people you love. Love is patient. And anyone know what the next one is? Love is kind. This is pretty familiar. We're doing review class. Love is kind.

Speaker 1: 27:49

Kindness sounds kind of soft, sounds kind of weak, but men especially, you need to know this. Kindness is actually an expression of strength. Unkindness is weakness. Unkindness is weakness because it means you don't know how to bridle yourself. Unkindness means you can't tame your tongue, you can't control yourself. Unkindness is evidence of weakness. Unkindness indicates that you can't control yourself. Do you know what kindness is? Here's a definition for you.

Speaker 1: 28:31

Kindness is simply loaning someone your strength rather than reminding them of their weakness. Like, are you kidding me? I have to tell you this again. Haven't we already had this conversation? Kindness is I'm gonna lean in your direction. I'm not gonna remind you. Oh, you always do that. Like, how many times have we talked about this? Kindness is not constantly reminding someone of their weakness. Kindness is loaning them your strength. Why, this is what God did for you. It is doing for others what they cannot, in this moment, do for themselves.

Speaker 1: 29:14

Kindness is love's response to weakness. It's what God did for you. Paul said it this way while you still were a sinner, god didn't put his hand on his hips and say are you kidding me? You did that again. Why don't you come back to me when you like, figure your life out, get it together, mr Perfect, let's make it happen. While you now he says this, while you still were sinner, still sinning and looking through the portals of history, knowing your life and your broken promises and your commitments and your vows and the things that you've reversed on, and knowing all of that, knowing that you were still a sinner, christ died for you. He loans you his strength in the midst of your weakness, and that's exactly what we celebrate today.

Speaker 1: 30:08

God says okay, you got it, you get that. Now I want you to do that for some other people. That's the way I loved you, that's the way you love other people, as I loved you. I want you to loan your strength to them and say, constantly, reminding them of their weakness. So here's my question for you, friends what is your go-to response to weakness? Even more than that. What is your go-to response to weakness in other people? If you're dating someone, you need to pay very close attention to this. You need to pay very close attention to their go-to response to weakness in others, because if they're pursuing you, they're on their best behavior, they're on their very best behavior, but their response to weakness in others will eventually be their response to weakness in you.

Speaker 1: 31:01

Paul says let me tell you more about God's love towards us that we're to demonstrate to others. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast, it is not proud. Love allows the other person to shine. Love is willing to step out of the spotlight even when you have every reason to step into the spotlight. Love isn't threatened by other people's success. Love is able to celebrate other people without adding their own story, without reminding everyone else of their own success. Oh, wow, you did that accomplishment. I did that too. I got a trophy. Love is able to step out of the spotlight and purely celebrate the accomplishments of another person. Here's where this is hard and where love leans in to some of the things that we need to work on personally.

Speaker 1: 32:03

If you don't feel good about yourself, friends, it is hard to let others feel good about themselves right, and that there is something in you that has a hard time allowing them to stay in the spotlight without you stepping in. It is because there is something in you you need to work on. Otherwise it undermines your ability to love, as God and Christ loved you, when your husband or wife, or your son or daughter or boyfriend or girlfriend is getting credit, is there something in you that you just have to like take a shot, like get a little extra barb in there. There has to become some of negative to bring them down. If that's in you, that's gonna undermine your ability to love those around you, and so you need to pay attention to your internal reaction to the success of the people that are closest to you.

Speaker 1: 33:07

Husbands, how easy is it for you to brag on your wife publicly or when other people are bragging on her, just to add onto it? Ladies, how easy is it for you to brag on your husband publicly or when other people are bragging on him, to add to it, rather than saying like, well, yeah, but, and if there's something in you that's like I don't want them to get like a big head right now, who cares? Because I'm gonna tell you this, friends life takes the big head out of most people. Circumstances have a way of bringing us down, and sometimes not too size, but below size. Welcome to life.

Speaker 1: 33:52

How difficult is it for you to celebrate the success of the people who are closest to you? Do you find yourself celebrating someone else that's like distant from the closest person to you, and you, just inside, can't figure out how to celebrate the person that's literally the closest to you? And if there is something in you that strains and struggles, you have work to do, and this isn't just an issue about your personal character. This is an issue in your ability to love like God and Christ loved you. You have to exercise this muscle. This next one is so important in our culture.

Speaker 1: 34:32

Paul uses this word that we don't really use all that much and we should use it more. He says that love it doesn't dishonor others. Love doesn't behave disgracefully or dishonorably. Let me ask you this Do you have any idea how unique you would be in the world and our culture? Do you have any idea? Think, imagine with me how unique you would be if you decided today I will never dishonor another woman. For the rest of my life, I will never dishonor another woman with my words. I will never dishonor a woman with my look. I will never dishonor a woman with my response. I will never dishonor a woman behind her back with my friends. For the rest of my life I'm gonna honor women the way that God and Christ honored me. Do you have any idea? I will never be a woman's regret. Do you have any idea how unique that would make you? But more importantly than that, do you know how much more like Christ that would make you? We don't use this term much honor. But I'm telling you, honor is at the heart of every satisfying relationship. Honor is at the epicenter of every satisfying relationship.

Speaker 1: 36:03

And the apostle Paul again, he does this huge favor. He actually defines honor for us. He says like here's what it looks like and you want to honor another person? Here's the practical side of this. He said love. It doesn't dishonor others, it's not self-seeking, it's not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. I mean, just sit on that one for a second. I think a lot of us carry a little briefcase on the side like lawyers, adding up evidence for the day that we need to make sure someone's in their place. We have a whole like paperwork for days, like, okay, let's pick the day and the hour right, it keeps no records of wrongs.

Speaker 1: 36:53

Come on, just value others above yourself. Just value above yourself because they're more valuable. No, they're not more valuable than you, but when you treat them and we should treat them as if they're more valuable than you we know how to do this. Why? Because God and Christ did it for you and me. When Jesus went to the cross, what did he say about you? What does it say about me? If a person is willing to lay down their life for you, whether or not their life is actually more valuable than the years isn't the issue. It's the fact that they would submit themselves to you, place themselves under you and take your burden on them, and this is what Christ and God through Christ modeled for us.

Speaker 1: 37:42

This is what honor looks like. This is what it looks like to value someone as if they're more important with their greater than yourself. You know how to do this. I know you know how to do this. You can think of that whole thing of like. If you could have dinner with your favorite person in the whole world, who would that be right? If you think about that. What would that there look like You'd honor the heck about it. And they could show up 30 minutes late and you'd be like, no, no, no, it's no big deal. Somebody else comes late. You're like, no, we're done Right, but that person you know how to honor someone above yourself. They show up 30 minutes late and you're like, no, no, no, please come on, it's my honor, welcome, I'm bringing the best of you. That's what it looks. I know you know how to do this. That's what your heavenly father did for you.

Speaker 1: 38:22

He says I don't want you just to love, I want you to love as I have loved you. Can I just give you some dangerous advice? Don't stay in a relationship where you are constantly dishonored. If you are dating someone and constantly dishonored, break up today, like right now, pull out your phone, pop them a text and change your number. Let's do this. I'm serious.

Speaker 1: 38:53

If you are in a relationship where you are constantly just put down in dishonor, get out, because eventually, if you don't, you will come to the conclusion that you are a dishonorable person and once you conclude that you are a dishonorable person, you will begin to behave dishonorably and then we just keep the cycle going and you need to get out of that because you are inherently honorable. And here's how I know, even though I haven't even met you the value of a thing is determined by the price it will bring. This is economics 101. You were bought with a price. God sent his son into this world to pay a price for you. You are extraordinarily valuable. You deserve to be honored because of who you belong to.

Speaker 1: 39:48

And if you're in a relationship where you are dishonored, please get out. You say well, I'm married, I know it's complicated, I am not advocating for divorce, so please don't just blow out my email. Please don't use this as an example or an excuse to get our relationship that you actually need to stay in. You're just not willing to do the work. But if you are in an environment where you are constantly dishonored, it is so unhealthy, so don't allow yourself to be dishonored. But the real application is this Don't dishonor another person. And you already know how to do this Now at this point, especially if you're in the dating game and you're raised in this culture.

Speaker 1: 40:38

We live in a culture right now where dating isn't about becoming somebody. We live in a culture where dating is about getting somebody, and it's fueled by this assumption that I don't need to prepare, I don't need to exercise these muscles, I just need to kind of go out there and hunt, right. So here's the deal you can go out there and be impatient and unkind and dishonorable and while you're looking for someone who is patient and kind and honorable but they're probably not looking for you they got any kind of sense. This is about preparing to win. This is about exercising these muscles so that when you meet the person of your dreams and I hope everyone does that you will be prepared, because Jesus' new covenant, this command of the apostles, fine print Jesus is out. This is how you become the person worth looking for and, if you're in a relationship or married, this is how you become or continue or be someone worth staying for. It's how you become the person the person that you were looking for is looking for, and it's how you become the person the person who entrusted their future to you was hoping for it.

Speaker 1: 42:02

Would you pray with me? Would you pray with me, father? Thank you for making it so simple. God, would you just give us the clarity, the courage, the faith to take what's so simple and to follow the fine print. God, even in this moment, it's in this time of prayer, just surrender, confession to you. God, I'm sorry for the places I have been unkind. God, I am sorry for the places and the people that I am pushy to and short and not patient. God forgive me and God help me Restore relationships where I have dishonored someone else, where I have dishonored myself. God, thank you for saying that I am enough and God, thank you for teaching me every single day what true love, real love, looks like. And may I be reminded constantly of how you loved me and keep my eyes on only that. That's how I love others. We give all of these things to you. Your name is pray, amen.