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Northgate, how are

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we doing this morning? Alright. Alright. Alright. Man, would you

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give it up one more time for the worship crew? I love any of those songs?

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That's so good. Such a good such a good word this morning. Man, okay. So my nine year old asked me, She says, dad, can can you help me do my math homework? And I said, okay.

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I can help you do your math homework. And I sit down at the kitchen table with Reuben and I I start looking at the the math work and I realized very quickly They have changed math. Does anybody else realize it is not the same thing. So I'm just sitting there dumbfounded and and I don't wanna look dumb in front of my daughter. I'm like, I don't know anything about what's going on on this situation right here. Right? So so this this same kind of feeling is what I felt when Larry asked me a bunch of months ago to teach on on this topic today in this series. And and I was like, I don't know anything about marriage. Right? Now I'm married and have been married for seventeen years, but I went to my wife and I said, baby, what do we know about this? And and she's like, not much. We're just trying to make it through. Okay? So you are in good hands. This morning because we're gonna figure this thing out together. But as I was starting to study in here, I mean, I was just blown away. Blowing away, especially in his passage, we're gonna

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be in the Ephesians five this morning, because It's so much different than I thought it was. I think, oftentimes, we can approach the word of God. We can approach this. The the bible, and it's like, I come with these all with our own preconceived notions. And then God's like, no. No. No. This is really what I want you to hold on to. And and when it comes to marriage, here's the deal. You don't know what qualities you're looking for, if you don't know what the original design is. You don't know, I don't know what qualities to look for. If I don't understand god's original intent, for marriage. You see, in the ancient world,

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the view of marriage was simple. It was it was primarily function. It it was establishing economic stability. So so that meant you you would you would you would find you would find a wife and and she would give you kids and that was meant there was people to take care of you when you were old. So so it was like here's marriage. Find a wealthy woman who has good bearing hips. Like, if you do those things, then you're fine. Right? That's the ancient world. Now modern view of marriage isn't much better.

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The modern view of marriage says, it's about romantic fulfillment. So you look for a person who completes you. You look for that soul mate who makes all your dreams come true and you live. Happily ever after. See, all the people laughing are people who have been married more than five minutes. So I looked at the text. And in Ephesians five, Paul masterfully draws out the primary purpose of marriage. Now the primary purpose of marriage is to prepare us for heaven. It's to prepare you and I for heaven.

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Marriage isn't singularly about happiness.

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I'll just say more direct. Marriage isn't about happiness. It's about holiness.

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And that's tough to grasp onto. But I believe when we grasp onto that, it will help us deeper deeply understand what God is trying to offer to us. You see, marriage is about shalom. Shalom, the word, that means peace. And specifically when we see marriage talked about in scripture, It's a specific type of shalom. It's it's shalom by eighth, which talks about peace in the home. Or this concept of hopeless. And as I as I dug through this passage, A few words began to jump out of the text to me. These kind of key indicators of what God was trying to design and what God was trying to to to explain to his people through Paul's word. Now now here's what I wanna tell you. Listen. If you are not a follower

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of Jesus Christ, I'm so glad that you're here today. And this is a place where you are more than welcome.

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But a lot of this stuff that I'm gonna chat about today will not make sense to you because we have two different filters that we're using. That's okay. But I just want to be honest about him. And then,

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you know, I think We've got to understand that god's worry is good. And and it's given to us for our good and for his glory. But inevitably, there's gonna be things in the bible. In these collection of sixty six books, there's gonna be things that you and I don't agree with.

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And we can even say we're going to revise this whole thing or we're gonna lean in with our frequency notions and say, God, what do you have to offer? It's the gospel that is the metric, that is the matrix, that is the rubrics that we should be looking at marriage through. Four words that jump out to me in Ephesians five. It's it's the words imitator. Invitation. Submission, reverence, and love. I want you to hold on

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to those four words as we walk through this text and really begin to understand what God has designed for us. With marriage. Let's look at Ephesians five verse one through twenty eight. We're gonna read all of them because I think it's beautiful. You gotta get the whole context. Of attacks. Therefore be imitators of god as beloved children. And walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us afrequent offering and sacrifice to god. This is Paul writing to the church in epheshesus.

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But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetous must not be even named among you as it as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness or foolish talk or crude joking, which are out of place. But instead, let there be thanksgiving for you may be sure of this that everyone who is sexually immoral and impure who has covered this is that is an adulterer. Has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words for because of these things, the wrath of god came upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore, do not become partners with them For at one time, you were darkness. But now you are light in the Lord, walk as children of light. For the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret But when anything is exposed by light, it becomes visible. For anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore, it says awake of sleeper and arise from the dead, and Christ shall shine you. Look carefully when you walk. Not as unwise, but as wise, make the best use of time because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish but understanding that the will of the lord is and do not get drunk with wine for that is debauchery, but be filled with the spirit, addressing one another in Psalms and hymns and and spiritual songs singing and making melodies to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to god, the father in the name of our lord Jesus Christ, submit to one another out of reverence. Because twenty one verses, precursor before we even get into the call to man and woman. Twenty one verses to set up the context, to really understand what God is getting after, and then he says,

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wives. Submit to your own husbands as to the lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. Now as the Church submits to Christ, So also wives should should submit in everything to their husbands. Everybody take a deep breath.

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HUSBands. Love your wife as Christ has loved the church and gave himself up for that that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish in the same way husbands love their wives as their own body. He who loves his wife, loves himself.

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In verse one, Paul says, therefore, be imitators of god. As beloved children and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us a fragrant offering, and sacrifice of God. Being an imitator of God, the idea is simple here. It's that we are to make God our example and make God our model.

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We can't be contenting ourselves to compare ourselves to other men and to women. We must heed the words of Peter in first Peter fifteen where he is called and he says that you are called to be holy because this is written. Be holy for I am holy. It doesn't say think about God, admire God, adore God, those are important Christian duties, this is a practical call for for us to be imitators of God. And what are we imitating?

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We are imitating his character. That we would imitate the character of God. And verse nine prorates this for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true.

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The fruit that Paul is talking about here is calling to Galatians five twenty two through twenty three where he talks about goodness and righteous self control. These are the marks and it's fruit of the spirit. It's not fruits multiple. It's a singular thing and what is the fruit of the spirit, but it is the character of Jesus exemplifying us. And Paul doesn't say that we work once walking in darkness. He says, we were darkness. But now we're called to imitate the creator and exemplify his character. What is the fruit of the spirit? It's love, joy, peace, home suffering, Kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. But in the context of a relationship with God and a relationship with others, it's love that's more than a decision. Of a spontaneous heart. It's a matter of the mind and not just the heart. It's joy that says, I would abide and remain even when the circumstances of this marriage are difficult. It's a peace. A salon piece that says we will be positive and filled with the blessings of goodness, and it's not just an absence of fighting its longsuffering together, which means joy, love, and peace during the up periods. But that I will not be quickly irritated and walk away during the difficult ones. It's kindness and goodness which speak to the generosity that we have to have with one another. Faithfulness, It's the idea that we will be reliable to that other person. And self control, not self control in the sense of how do I just simply control myself and deny myself but it's self control that is spirit led that is about working on the behalf of another.

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On the fruit of the spirit,

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when the fruit that grows on trees has characteristics.

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Fruit is fragile.

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Which means you need to handle your character with care.

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Be delicate with the character that you were developing.

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Fruit reproduces,

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which means someone is watching you.

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If you if you wanna know what kind of husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend that your son or daughter is gonna have, look at the example of what you're producing. Food is attractive.

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God don't make ugly. So what would it look like if we lived these attractive lives that spoke of each other rather than himself? Fruit nauseous. Jesus said to Peter, de lovely and feed my sheep. Is there something that's nourishing in the relationship that you're displaying to each other and to this world? And fruit can expire. Use it or lose it. It's not enough to have had good years or good seasons.

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It's not enough to to to say, hey, we started off well. So now

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we can just Peter off into the next chapter. Paul anchors all this on verse twenty one when he says, All of this is that you would submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. That word reference being defined as a fear of god. And oh, of God. And you

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gotta understand this. The the idea of submission doesn't have anything to do with somebody being smarter or better or more talented It has to do with a God appointed order. Anyone who's been in the armed service understands this. They understand the concept of rank and order. It's about authority, not value or ability. Submission. Submission means that we would set ourselves under a mission. Submission. And in your relationships, in your marriage, when is the mission? Remember, I said this at the beginning. It's not about happiness. It's about holiness. Our mission is to be obedient to God and glorify God. That is the mission of the Christian marriage. Martin Lloyd, the great theologian said it best. He says, the danger is that we should think that marriage amongst Christians is essentially the same as it is with anybody else. The only difference being that these two people happen to be Christians, whereas the others are not. Now if there is still or if this is still our conception of marriage, then we have to consider the great paragraph entirely in vain. Christian marriage, the view of Christian marriage, is something that is essentially different from all views. Friends, are you hearing the same? This is a different call. This is a different invitation. And it's an invitation that's asking us to step into a transformative process. Twenty one verses, Paul sets up to say, I'm talking, hear this, I'm talking about something bigger

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When he says, one of the most controversial verse passages in in Christianity today. Lives. Submit to your own husbands as to the lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also lives should submit in everything to the husbands. You remember going to the mall? Anybody remember going to the mall? Some of you look at me. Okay. I I get it. A mall is this building.

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And inside that building where all these rooms, it's called stores where all the stuff you buy on Amazon was located. And you have to go to this building with these little rooms inside to get the goods that you needed for your life. And then you would pay with cash money. Cash money is the things that are on your debit card. Keep on to thirty. They're like, what is he talking about? Okay? And you go to the mall. I remember going to the mall as a kid in Massachusetts. And I was shocked them all. And I was just trying to get the hot topic of Claire's. Right? Like, that's where I needed to get to.

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Right? Those are my two stores. Date myself a little bit.

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But the first thing I would have to do is you go to this big old map. Remember the map? It was that map that that showed the, you know, like, how do I see like this and the maps like that? But but you would have to first find the star on the map. And the star would say what?

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It would say Come on. And all the old people said, man.

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The star would say, You are here. Francesca,

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you can't get to where you want to be. Until you know exactly where you are. You can't get to where you want to be. Until you know exactly where you are. American culture wants us to adjust divine truth and principle into its relatively new paradigm. American culture wants us to adjust divine truth and principles into its relatively new paradigm. What are you talking about? Here's what I'm talking about. The point of Paul's passage.

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The point of the command to the woman to submit is a specific application of a principle given to all believers. I'm gonna say it again. The point of the command that's given to the woman to submit is a specific application and principle given to all believers. There is simply an emphasis on women at the top of the passage the same way it's gonna go down and talk to children, bond serve and bond service. That means employers and employees. In some of the original texts, it actually didn't even say submit to your own husband. If you just said, submit on to. Submit on to like you would submit to the Lord. He's talking to everybody. Now here's what I don't want you to do. Do not take your twenty twenty three political ideations and ideology and the current culture wars and try to squeeze God into it. Oh, Genesis one twenty six, God created male and female in the image of God, and then God takes the two and God says, I'm going to put the tool together that they might be a better reflection of my image. God put himself in parts, part in the man, and part in the woman, and they are incomplete without each other. The two are necessary and interdependent. The two are not exactly the same. And if so one would not be necessary. This is the word of god. And guess what it doesn't fit easy into our current ideology. In Genesis chapter two verse twenty one through twenty three, God takes the man and he puts the man to sleep. And out of his side. He creates the womb. And Adam in all of his awe looks at this woman. And he says flesh of my flesh bone. Of my bond. Adam realizes in an instant that now he is complete, Eve gains his upon to Adam, and now she realizes she is complete. This part of the text is actually the first poetry in all of scripture.

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And the writer goes on to call the woman the helper. But it's not exactly how we hear the word helper. Like like like when I told one of my daughters to go get something for me like, oh, your daddy's little helper. No. No. No. Other times that this word helper is used in the scripture, it uses the word EZR. EZR means, god is our help. God is our help. If anything, Esther is calling the woman, though using the word Esther to call the woman, it implies a superior already in her. Because it means that he is incomplete and insufficient

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without her. Ancient Jewish rabbis, they used to point out that God did not take the bone from the head, meaning that she should be above him. He did not take the bone from foot meaning that she would be below him, not the bone from the front meaning that she would lead him, not the bone from the back meaning that she would be behind him, but the bone from the side meaning that she is his counterpart that the two are equally walking. Different responsibilities, but equally walking. And it's important to also see. In Ephesians five and Genesis two alike, the matter of headship and submission,

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Paul and Moses who wrote Genesis never get specific about what headship means. Never get specific about what submission between the two means. Why this is done intentionally? Because it looks different in every relationship. And rather they're pointing to the larger picture. Now, I wanna tell you what submission isn't. I want you to understand what biblical submission is not, and my wife helped me to write these. Submission does not mean the inferiority of women. It does not mean the dominance of

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the man. It does not mean unconditional obedience by the woman. It doesn't mean independent decision decision making on the part of the man.

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It doesn't mean the woman should not lead in business or in politics or in the marketplace. And it does not mean that the man has the power to leverage over. The woman. It is a dance.

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It is a dance that you take part in. CS Lewis, says this about the physical dance when it corresponds to sex. CS Lewis says In act of sex, the man says, here's the role that I play. I play the role as the initiator and I move towards the woman. The woman plays the role of receiving the initiation of the man. See, we're given roles in how we relate to the husband and wife and such We give in roles, how we relate to each other in in all of our marital conjunctions. We have these roles that we play, and it's not a statement about worse or superiority. It's just not that. But in Genesis three, in the fall, things got messed up. Listen, you can't subscribe to parts of the bible. I can't subscribe to parts of the bible. I just gotta deal with the parts that I don't agree with and ask myself, why don't I agree with that part? Because I am fallen and broken.

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In Genesis three, the biblical headship of man of the man turns into tyranny.

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In Genesis three, the woman as lesser This desire is turned into desire over the leadership and headship of her husband.

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Where God is pointing us back to wholeness, partnership, and that happens. Under the auspicious love and respect that takes a hit in Genesis three. This movie called Crimson Tide, Eugene Hackman, and Denzel Washington. In in the movie, Jean Hackman's, the captain of the submarine USS Alabama, and Denzel Washington is his XO. So he's the secondly command to Gene Hackman. And then kind of in the climax of

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the film, there's a message that comes through there's disagreement about the message and what we should what they should do next. And and and even though Denzel has the under rank, It it it is is making the positive point. Listen, unless we concur, unless we are in agreement, you lose your authority. And Jean Hackman's character becomes tyrannical and he becomes he got boisterous and over the top and he's cursed and he's yelling and he's like, I'm the captain of his book and and he loses his authority.

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Rightfully so that's what's happening to many to many men today. Rightfully so that is what's happening to many men today. The moments when I have lost authority and headship in my relationship with my wife has been the moment where I'm living independent So he paul's words, men.

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Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that we that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemishing the same way husbands should love their wives as their own body he who loves his wife, loves himself. Paul here is talking about a cup of love, the fourth definition of love in scripture. This is a love that is not just spontaneous from the heart, but it's an intellectual action. It's a higher kind of love. It's a love that makes decisions. Not as matters of the heart, but matters of the mind. Men, you've got to understand the

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difference in thinking between worldly headship and darkly headship.

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Worldly headship men says, I in your head, So you take your orders from me and must do whatever I want. Godly headship says, I am your head, so I must care for you and serve for you. Worldly headship says You wanna submit to me. So here are the things that I want you to do for me. Godly headship says, you wanna submit to me so I am accountable to you before God.

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I must carefully, you will serve you. This is not the height of romantic conversation. But it's the foundation of biblical understanding. My mentor,

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Gil, he told me he said Carl, become a student of your wife. Men. Oh, man, you are getting it in the in the chops today. You know what, being a student of your wife means? I mean tapping into what edifies her, tapping into what brings her joy, tapping into what brings her like, tapping into what brings her into a closer relationship and understanding of god, her father. And every action or lack thereof, is a defining moment of who she understands God to be. Not because you are God, but because you have the fruit of the spirit and are a reflection of god. Did you catch that? Not because you are God, but because

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you are a reflection of a character. Of God.

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Man, look at me now, I want you

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to get this. What is your behavior saying about who God is? Now ladies don't get that control. Slow down. Slow down. Go back to Genesis three the fall. She desired the head shape. That's not the design.

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The propan is happening because she decided the headship in

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the authority, and that is not the design of men, we must do our part. So Gil says Carl becomes a student in your life. I know some things about my wife, not many, but I know some. K? You can get this in a book by somebody famous who wrote this to five love languages. Right? Where it talks about acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts and quality time. My life my wife loves quality time and and my life life loves acts of service. So a couple weeks ago, our lawn was getting out of control. K? And I said, I'm gonna go mow the lawn. Which is a rare occasion in my home.

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But we just moved into this new neighborhood, so I

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needed to make sure everybody knew I was on the line. So I went outside and I took my shirt off.

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And I began

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to mow the lawn. My wife sat up on A porch drinking her ice cold Coca Cola, watching me mow this along with no shirt off in front of the neighborhood. And she was looking at me like,

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I'll show you the text that she just sent me backstage because she remembered just talking about this. And she said, hurry home. So I walk up onto the porch and I start putting together this leaf blower.

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I don't know what I'm doing.

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I'm putting this to these floor together, shirtless.

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And my wife was looking at me like, Man of God.

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You know why?

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I'm a student of her. Because right after that, we

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didn't go upstairs, who went to

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the backyard and picked weeds.

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That's a love language. Right? Men, we come into it like, okay, it's that time Is that time of the week? So here we go. I'm upstairs. Coming. Alright. Look, we're focused. She's gathering all the things that she's been thinking through, process through, what we're gonna do with the kids, schools, shopping, putting a new house and then she comes upstairs with all this meant the luggage and you're like, wait, wait, I thought we had an agenda here. Become a student and your wife. Because you've been given that role by God. In the garden, God gives five distinct roles to the man in the garden. The first one is provision. And when we do this, Michael, we do this well. Right? What husband hasn't said to their family before? Look at what I've given all of you. Right? You're gonna lie in church and I'm like, you never said that. That's just me. I did this. I used to my family on vacation. You see how I said it? I didn't say we took our family on vacation. I took my family on vacation. I made sure those kids knew that every time they asked for a Mickey pretzel. Right? I did this. Provision, we get that part. We're also called from the garden to protect. We knew that well. We protect our own. We do romance very wrong. Right? They do romance very, very wrong.

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You know, my wife took me many many many years and false attempts to figure this out. Here's what romance is to my wife. Rubbing her back in bed.

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That's it.

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That's it. And and god shaped things that way. But I think it's it's more serious. In the garden, we were given the rolled men as the spiritual director.

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And then the sexiest thing you're ever gonna do, is be vulnerable to look at your wife and say, this is where I'm struggling to walk with Jesus. The sexiest thing you're ever gonna do, The most authoritative thing you're ever gonna do in your home is opening up the Lord of God in front of your wife and your children. The sexist thing you're ever gonna do, the strongest thing you're ever gonna do is ask your wife was the Lord growing you? Y'all, I just gave you the playbook. If you're not married and you're looking to get married, remarried one day. If a man isn't doing these things, he is not the man of God. Man, you wanna know how you're doing in your life and in your marriage. This is your rubrics. This is it.

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And finally,

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we're giving the call to be people were self sacrifice.

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Men are you self sacrifice?

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A gourmet love. A gourmet love is perfected by Jesus and reflected in us. This is what servant leadership is. It's someone who takes the initiative for the benefit of others. A servant leader.

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And it all goes back to verse twenty one. By submitting to one another out of reverence. See, the gospel is the power for your marriage. It shows you that God who saved you is a god who served you. A god who saved you is the god who submitted to death, even death on

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the cross and laid his life down for His bride, and that is what gives you and I the power to do it for others. And when we ask Jesus, Jesus, what do you want of me? How can I of you? He looks back at you and he says, serve your spouse. Submit to your spouse. Invitate me. Have reverence and respect for your spouse and love your bride the way that I loved my bride. The horizontal service The horizontal service, excuse me, to the spouse, has a vertical dimension of worship, and we gain our strength to serve our spouses when we lay down our life for them and act of service done in joy and not by duty.

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Marriage is the gospel reenacted. It's the gospel reenacted.

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But maybe all this good biblical information

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is meeting you in the middle of a tough season. Or several tough seasons back to back. And you're just feeling like a shell of yourself. And you're just roommates trying to make it to eighteen. We offer you a little bit of hope. Every time I get on the plane, the first thing I turn on my headphones is It's amazing jazz album by Keith Jared. Jared, our cold January day after three hundred miles of travel from Sweden ends up in Germany and he gets to this concert hall and he he he had everything he had asked everything to be set up just right for him. This guy is a world class pianist. And he asked for a specific kind of piano, stood in a certain way, and he arrives at the feeder. And it's an old broken down piano. That's all that they had to offer him.

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The damper is not working. Keys don't go all the way. His back sore, so much so that he's wearing a back brace. But instead of taking his ball and going home, he persevews.

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And for the next hour and six minutes, rather than seeing this as cursed. He sees it as a blessing, and he makes arguably the greatest jazz piano album of all time with a broken down instrument. And every time I listen to that, I'm gonna listen to it in two hours when I get on my flight. It's this beautiful reminder of God. Look at what you're doing in me.

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Look at what you did in me. Broken, but you are making this beautiful sound. In my life. If that master is musician

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can do that with all broken down piano. What can the master do with broken down you?

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With the shards and the fragments of a broken relationship, of a tattered heart, of a betrayed mind, of a betrayed heart, what can the master do when you? If you just submit to him, submit to one another. If you love her, as he loved you, If you revered him as he revered you,

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the beautiful music that God make out of your life. All he needs this morning is a little bit of faith. Not a long memory, but a little bit of faith. They saw that Aaron was gonna lead us in. Talks about god being more than able, and can you and I imagine with all

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of the little faith in this room, with all of the little faith in your marriage, what God can do. He promises to do the impossible. Now listen to me friends. It won't be Rosebattles and Lollipop's When you walk out of those doors,

Speaker 2: 44:25

but you'll be walking in original design. One that says it will bless you and keep you and prepare you to meet him one day. Face to face. This is love and respect. Father God, I pray for my brothers and sisters God, I pray for the marriages that are on a razor's edge. I pray for the ones that are living in abundance right now. Father. On both sides of the pendulum Lord Jesus, I pray that you would center us on the cross and you would center us on you. Due to the impossible one, again. We love you, we thank you, praise him. All God's people said.