Speaker 1: 0:30

All my sweaters are snagged. It's not the nail. Good morning everybody. It's good to see you. My name is Jeff Bachman and it is a privilege to be here with you this morning.

Speaker 1: 0:42

As it was already mentioned, ken kicked off our relationship series last week. We are continuing for five more weeks. Stay online and on our Instagram to know what topics are coming and when you can invite your friends, because it really is a fun series to be a part of. Be praying for Ken and hope for kids Their boots on the ground in Uganda right now and they'll be coming back and sharing and celebrating of what God is doing. But just be praying for them because they're over there doing amazing things. We got to bless them and send them off this last week, and so that's where they're at right now. Final thing for you and we've already taken care of everything, so you're welcome After this, we are doing something called the Art of Neighboring.

Speaker 1: 1:22

So from 1230 to 2, and here's the secret It's probably going to be done a little bit before 2. We are going to be holding and if you're familiar with Northgate, we do these things called Northgate U-style classes. It's an equipping class and this one, specifically, is talking about the fact that we live every one of us lives someplace in a neighborhood And in that is that we have an opportunity to interact and engage with people in that neighborhood. And the reality is and myself included is that I know more people online and in my workplace than I know that share my own street address. Could we, through this training the Art of Neighboring, be people who are beginning to see our neighborhoods as a mission field, as a place to begin to reach and care and be Jesus and show compassion? So this afternoon, from 1230 to 2 o'clock, we're offering childcare, we're offering pizza Really, what else do you need? And so we would love for you to stay. We're basically going to clear out the room and then we'll invite everyone to come back here And it's going to be a equipping session. If, for some reason, you can't make it, it'll also be online. But this really is, if we're talking about relationships, and then, in the fall, we're really leaning into this idea of saying then, if we're going to be relational people, what does it look like for Northgate to be in the community for the community? And so we'll be doing that here in the fall, and so this is one of the kind of equipping way to do something like that. So we'd love to see you right after service.

Speaker 1: 2:41

When I say the word communication, which is what we're talking about today, everybody has a picture in mind of what that is, but they don't necessarily have the same picture in mind. For example, i could say the word pizza. I could say pizza And some people think Chicago deep dish, because that's inspired by the Lord And it's so good And it's thick And you should only have one piece, but you usually have two And you're usually sorry right around halfway through the second one, but you're not a quitter And so you're going to keep going. Maybe that's just me. Or when I say pizza, you think New York And it's big and it's wide and it's flat and it's got the crunchy under part, like that, and you fold it And then the grease folds, it runs down your hand and you eat it And it's so good I'm really hungry. That's probably why we have pizza afterwards. Or I might say pizza and you think Detroit style pizza, which I've never had, but I see it online and it looks fantastic. Or I say pizza and you think Little Caesars, because you've just given up on life and you're like whatever I don't just sauce, cheese, cardboard, let's eat, and they're like it's hot and it's ready. That's what we are, that's who we are.

Speaker 1: 3:46

I think communication is similar. Communication is similar that when we say the word communication, everyone thinks it, but they're thinking something different. So I wanted to start by establishing this. Communication is the imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing or using some other medium, the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings. I think there's four primary means in which that we communicate as human beings. I think we're naive if we think that we're not communicating. I was talking to somebody after the first service and they're like even if I'm stoic and I'm not saying anything, i'm like you're saying a lot, so even when we're not. So there's verbal, there's verbal communication, there's nonverbal communication, there's also written and then images, because a picture says 1,000 words. But there's lots of ways that we communicate. I think our daily communication continues to evolve and improve.

Speaker 1: 4:38

I think it is known, it's a fact, that intelligence and communication are linked with each other. How many parents thought that their kids talked early? and you're like, they're a genius, it's just a matter of time until everybody else figures it out. Right, oh, that was just gas. They weren't smiling at you, but whatever. But intelligence and communication is linked with one another. I think it's also interesting that 16 years ago shy of about a week, but the first iPhone was introduced into the universe and we're a way better place for it, right, aren't we? We're just great, We are. No, we are not, we are learning. So then, if you're older than 16 years old, there have been other ways and forms and means in which we've communicated. Would you all agree with that? And that each generation has to kind of take on a new native language? And it's deceptive, because the words are the same, but the way that we communicate it becomes different. I thought it was interesting.

Speaker 1: 5:40

Some of the statistics say that the average person receives 121 emails a day and of that, 65.9 of them remain unopened. 30% of those are from a foreign prince wanting to send you money. That's not real. Everybody Don't give them your social security number Just for fun.

Speaker 1: 5:58

I took a screenshot of my phone. I was thinking about just all these different ideas and notifications. I saw this. I added it up. All of the red dots are different notifications. I added it up.

Speaker 1: 6:09

I have 81 things that people want to tell me Anytime I show this phone to my wife, she's like it gives me hives. How do you have so many red dots? And I was like it's so many people wanting to talk to me all at once, all at once. So that's 81 things that people want to say to me, and that's not even before we started engaging in a conversation. Take that down. That's embarrassing. We also send 80 texts a day. On average, high schoolers send 4,926 of them. Those can all be consolidated down, you guys. Just one I could. By the way, the average human being uses 10,000 words a day 10,000.

Speaker 1: 6:48

And so I think that we could say very safely that communication is important And it's something that we do, and it's something that we all utilize to the best of our ability. And yet, between continuing to see communication evolve and change and grow and then you add, in March of 2020, and that for the last three years, communication has not only been changing faster, but also often weaponized in some ways that we never expected, how is it that we've gotten really bad at getting good at something that we all do? If what I said first, that statement about communication being important, is true, then why is it that communication seems to be the thing that is oftentimes getting us into a lot of trouble, and so I've spent time on this topic. I am increasingly convinced that communication is the foundational piece to who we are as human beings, and, unfortunately, as much as we'd like to say that we are neutral on this, or that it doesn't have an impact, or that you can resist from it, is that everything that we are doing is communicating something, and so we can't separate those. So, then, if we desire to grow as followers of Jesus or just as human beings, if we desire to leave people on this earth better than how we found it, then we've got to get better at this, simply for the fact that, as it states in Scripture that the first commandment is to love God and to love people, and we are the vehicle in which that's communicated. For today, as we talk, this is going to be considered probably more topical than it is what we typically do at Northgate, where we take a passage and chew through it. Oftentimes, the problem people have with topical is that you know what you already want to say, and then you find a bunch of Scriptures to just back it up.

Speaker 1: 8:31

My hope is that we're going to be looking at James, that today we see out of God's foundational word that communication is important, and then we build an idea of the character and the nature of who Jesus made us to be and that's how we're supposed to live. The other part that I would encourage you. There's going to be a lot of notes up here, so if you want to take some shots, i'll stand out of the way, or they've got plenty of tithing envelopes you can write on those too. So either way it would be good. So turn with me. We're going to look at James 1. 19 and 20, and then we'll jump through.

Speaker 1: 9:00

It says this says Indicating what we've just said is that communication is a combination of words and listening, which doesn't make sense because that feels like addition by subtraction. And then it's also a heart condition, meaning that communication, much like many skills, is way more nuanced than we ever think that it's going to be. It's all three of those. And then it goes on in 26, and it says those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight reign on their tongues deceive themselves and their religion is worthless. Religion that God, our Father, accepts is pure and faultless is like this To look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by their own. And then it goes on in 26, and it says and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world, essentially saying if you say it, you better live it. I love this passage because it really reinforces some of the statistics that have come out.

Speaker 1: 10:05

In November of 2022, it said this. It said approximately 93% of effective communication is nonverbal. Oh, no, while spoken word is only 7%. So that means time, as in how long it takes. Wrap it up, pastor, we got pizza to go eat. Time of day, speed in which something has said, tone, body language. All those things are going to communicate more than just making sure that I have the right words in the right order. I think what we can all agree is that you can say the right thing and it can mean a very wrong thing, or, at the very least, you can say it one way and it means something totally different.

Speaker 2: 10:49

Let's take a look at this clip, meaning, though most important is you blew? it Dude. It can also mean are you in the closet with a knife? Dude.

Speaker 1: 11:36

So then, with one simple word, a wrong inflection can unleash something that you never meant it to say, ever been there? Good me neither. And it's telling somebody something that's actually deeper. There's something deeper going on in your life than you're communicating, than what you actually mean. James 3, 3 through 6 says it like this When we put bits into the mouth of the horses to make them obey us, excuse me, we can turn the whole animal.

Speaker 1: 12:06

Or take ships as an example. They are so large and are driven by strong winds They are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest fire is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue is also a fire, a word of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life on fire and it itself set on fire by hell. I want you to think for just a second. Think about when you have heard something being said to you that was untrue or unkind, or it was true, but it wasn't needed. Think about what that did to you A word, a look, a phrase, an image that was sent over text And what that did to you in your life, but the tongue we praise our Lord. This is continuing on And with it we curse human beings who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth comes praise and cursing My brothers and sisters. This should not be. This should not be Two things that I see from this.

Speaker 1: 13:26

There's more, but two things that I see from this idea of communication. One is it eliminates the value that you hold in other people. How you speak to somebody else indicates how you view them in their position as a boss, as an authority, as a peer, as a coworker, as a server, as how you speak to them will indicate very quickly what position they hold in your life. That's the first, and then the second is that it also reveals very quickly the condition of your heart. It speaks exactly to who you are and what you are doing. And the problem comes when we think that we can divorce those two, When we think that I can say the right words, but I can have a disaster going on in here And unfortunately this poisons that. But it's just a word, right? It's just a text, it's just an email And maybe it's just silence. And yet each one of those is beginning to, as it says here, it is unleashing just a little bit of hell onto other people.

Speaker 1: 14:36

You know, i have three kids that are all firmly in their teenage years And so as they have become more teenage, we see less words happening around our house. That's just how it happens. They are now in their fantastic kids, but they are no different than other teenagers And in that there are times that I will come home and I'll ask them, i'll say, how are you doing? And very clearly you can kind of begin to understand, like you know how they're doing, and I'm like how are you doing? I'm fine? Doesn't seem like you're fine, i'm fine. What makes you think that I'm not fine? I'm like, well, if you're fine, you need to tell your face that you're fine, because those two things aren't matching. They're like what makes you think that? I say I made that face, i know that face, and so unfortunately you're not going to be able to separate those two And I want to actually meet you in it, not condemn you for it. But I think long-term we're just not able to separate those two things And I think that as we get older and more mature that we're going to be able to do that, and the truth is we can't. So then, if left unchecked, even without trying, sometimes we are causing significant harm to ourselves and other people.

Speaker 1: 15:45

So I wanted to do this. There's going to be a couple of different places where we've got some lists that I wanted to put up here And we'll spend some time talking through them. I don't want to spend a lot of time on them. These might be the places where you either take a photo or you write some stuff down, but there's a gentleman by the name of Dr John Gottman And he's got an institute which, if you've got an institute, you know you're doing something right, and he's considered one of the leading specialists in the areas of relationships, and so he says here's six things to look out for, six habits of poor communication or six and even think of it as environments that as you enter into them, they're going to create an environment that's going to let people feel in a certain way.

Speaker 1: 16:24

One of them is harsh startups, basically, that you meet somebody at the front door and you're like, oh, we need to talk right now. How do you think they're going to respond to that? I found out early in our marriage that when my wife and I were apart and she would come back and I was really excited because I had had a whole day and I wanted to talk to her about it. And she was coming back from teaching, she'd have her bag and her purse and her coffee and her teas and this and that, and I'd meet her right at the front door and I'm like I have so many things to tell you. It's been such an exciting day. And she's like, could I step into the door before we have this sort of a conversation? I'm like, absolutely I get it, but it's that we just kind of we want to bury people and be there.

Speaker 1: 16:57

The next one is the Four Horsemen. It's essentially this idea of creating an unsafe environment. It's criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. You've entered into conversations. You go oh, this isn't safe. I already know, based on the words that you said, based on the words that your face is saying, that this is not going to be a safe environment. Flooding, just giving it a little bit of flooding, just giving them way more information, not having the emotional intelligence to know that this person doesn't need all the information that you're giving them.

Speaker 1: 17:29

We live in a social media world, where we feel like it's kind of fair game to share anything we want. Out there, I saw an old saying that I really liked. It says if the thing that you want to say should start with Dear Diary, then you probably shouldn't put it on Twitter. I don't know. Just, maybe think about that. Maybe think about that. I think body language, which we've already talked about a little bit failed repair attempts that, despite what you try, like if it's a bad situation, you go. You know I'm going to dive into this, i'm going to make it better And you're like, no, you're going to make it worse. And then my wife and I have one that we've talked about. It's the bad memories. We call it, instead of being hysterical, being historical. If your conversation starts with you know what last time when you did that, you're probably not off to a good start. So you're going to want to hold those things back.

Speaker 1: 18:14

But I think in all these, our communication must get better. It must With the people that we love and care about and those that we have yet to know if you're a follower of Jesus. I think it's our responsibility, because what I see in here is that what we say and how we communicate is directly related to the condition of our heart. So obviously, then, we want to make sure that the things that are coming out, i have that ability to communicate the love and change that Jesus is doing. And if you're new to the things of faith or exploring it, you're not. I just need you to know that what Scripture says is that there's a direct correlation between what we say and think and feel, and if you are a person who wants to be a part of experiencing and spreading joy, that is the heart and the central message of God We are that vehicle. So then we get a chance to say yes to that in everything that we do.

Speaker 1: 19:04

And I think it actually it goes back to if you were here two weeks ago, we talked in Matthew 16, where it says it like this then Jesus said to his disciples whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me, for whoever wants to save their life, we'll lose it, but whoever wants to lose their life for me, we'll find it. We talked about this idea. That's a pretty big call to deny yourself and to put somebody else first, and yet in this, what I also see is that deny yourself means that you maybe don't say the thing that you wanted to say, or that you maybe say the thing that you didn't want to say because it's going to make you uncomfortable. If you're not able to control your tongue, how are you going to be able to go out and have any impact on the world? I think we got to start here And I think it would be easy to assume that I'm going to give you a list of different words and phrases and things that you should say, but ultimately, i do think that this is a hard issue. I think it's a heart change, because they think it's going to impact every one of the relationships that you are living in, including yours with God.

Speaker 1: 20:04

They pulled 100 mental health workers this was on a website and they found out that communication problems were cited as the number one cause of divorce. 65% of people said that divorce was related to poor communication. Second to that was that they didn't know how to fight. Well, which come back next week because we're talking about conflict, and we'll talk about conflict a little bit today, but more in the sense of how communication causes it. Come back next week because it's going to be phenomenal and talking about that idea of conflict. I thought it was interesting in that that it's a ratio of five to one. For every five positive statements I say, one negative statement will undo it.

Speaker 1: 20:41

Let me say that a different way. When you speak ill of somebody, it's five times more powerful than when you say something kind to somebody. Think about that And think about the destruction that we are releasing when we do that. So then, when we say that ultimately, communication becomes a submission of the heart that can feel exhausting, i'm saying you mean, i've got to get all of this under control before I can send an email. Are you kidding me? But I actually believe that it has more to saying that we live a submitted life to Jesus. And when we do that, then the communication begins to take care of itself, because we then go and view you as the same creation as me by the God who made us, so that when I have value in who you are and that I see you as being as important, if not more important, than I am, then of course the things I'm going to speak to you would be the same things that I would want to speak to myself. And then let's take that one step further and saying that if we have issues with how we see ourselves, that's where Jesus wants to meet you, that's where he wants to start is in that sort of a relationship. And so it starts with actually that part of allowing Jesus and submitting that part to it.

Speaker 1: 21:49

Because they actually say it says in Philippians it says that as we are considering how to interact with other people, it takes a couple different things. It takes your attitudes, it says to take on the attitude of Jesus, and then, ultimately, we don't want to remove our feelings from that, but what we see in Jeremiah 17 is that the heart can be deceitful, so we can't always trust that. I already said once that feelings aren't a really good driver. They're a better passenger in the car, and I think that we have an opportunity to both take up the attitude of Christ and also not ignore the feelings of who God has made us to be. Both of those are true, and so there's just a. I think it's all in the approach of those.

Speaker 1: 22:29

Here's a list of a couple different things that we would encourage. First is this is to stop complaining in the sense of saying what you are going through and your life is as important, if not more important than mine. Philippians 2, 3 and 4 says not looking to your own interests, but to the interests of other people. We have an opportunity to live a life of gratitude and thankfulness. 1 Thessalonians 5 says that we are to pray continually and give thanks for all circumstances, because we are exactly where God wants us to be today and he wants to meet us in that We get a chance to practice the golden rule do it on others, as they would have us do unto them.

Speaker 1: 23:12

I think it's important that our yeses be yes and our nos be nos. James 5 talks about that, not living in. Well, i would have done this if only. But they go, look, if you said yes, say yes. If it's no, mean no. And, by the way and I just learned this recently nose a complete sentence. So sometimes and that's not to I'm not saying be harsh or be mean, but it's inappropriate to say no to somebody and be at peace with all people. I think one that I thought was important in this, as far as how we approach this, is this idea of having a little bit more fun. I always say we're not playing, but we're playing around. I think it's interesting that if you meet other Christians and they say the joy of the Lord is my strength. I'm like it doesn't feel like it right now And I'd like to experience that more. Guys, if joy is that's our brand, if we're not experiencing a lot of that, then we may need to consider kind of re-looking at that approach.

Speaker 1: 24:15

Statistically, they said that four-year-old kids left. What was it? They left 400 times a day. Adults left 15. So we're almost done. Just got a few more to take care of. We have an opportunity to interject. Proverbs 17 says Cheerful heart is good medicine, but the crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Speaker 1: 24:40

Here's two bonus ones that I just I also wanted to throw in here. One is the power of encouragement. That word encouragement literally means to instill courage to you, that by the words that I say to you, you and now are a different person because of those words. I don't have the ability to transform, but I can take words and instill courage into you, something that you were going to experience. You didn't live in the way that you were going to, but now it's different because of the words that I gave, hopefully bathed in grace and love and truth, and what it is that has been received by Jesus. But I now get to give that to you. Hebrews 10, 24 says Let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds. And then the final one is this idea of the power of touch. Obviously it's in the context of appropriate and approved, but a handshake, a hand on someone's shoulder or a hug think about a time that you just needed a hug and somebody gave it to you and the power of what that did, and, as we know, that communicates something.

Speaker 1: 25:43

I also think I think we need to get better at listening. I think that we're not good listeners. You'll get the joke in a second. Let me say it like this A good listener is not somebody who's just waiting for their turn to talk. You ever been in that conversation? Were you telling somebody a story or you're sharing a problem, and their response is Oh, that's nothing Here. Let me tell you something. You ever had that? That's usually what I say afterwards. They say that healthy relationships respond to their friends nine out of 10 times Some sort of response, a facial expression, a note back, a pickup of the phone, a responded text. But that nine out of 10 times in a healthy relationship, i will give you something and you will give it back to me. If it's not, it's like shouting into the ocean. I think we can become even better listeners And I think by being a better listener you will be a better communicator. You have to want to listen And there's gotta be a willingness to accept that, even if you don't agree with somebody's thoughts, feelings or beliefs, that you're going to meet them in that.

Speaker 1: 26:51

And I think that that's where we've experienced a pretty big breakdown as a society. It's saying you believe differently than I do, so now we have separation and division. I try and I don't do this always, but I've just recognized that when somebody shares something difficult or heavy or important to them, i at least try and at some point acknowledge the fact that they've gone and taken this thing that is precious and important and valuable and they've given it to me And it's now my responsibility to do something with that. And I try to at least thank them for that and saying thank you for giving this thing to me, thank you for meeting me in that, thank you for trusting me that this thing, this thought, this belief, this experience, whatever it is, is now something that you're entrusting to me to do something with. Thank you, i won't do harm by that, just because you've gone and shown a bit of vulnerability to me.

Speaker 1: 27:42

Then the final one I thought was so important and I think we miss, especially now behind cameras and screens, is eye contact. I was sitting at coffee this last week and I had my phone, my phone. My phone was sitting out, it was face up, i'm a cup of coffee around a table and my phone was here And this other person had their cup of coffee and a phone right there And, without saying it, what we were both communicating is with our phones up is. It was saying that anybody in the entire universe can connect with me and it's more important than this person right here And I was just again. I'm thinking about communication. So at some point I literally just took my phone and I put it face down And what was funny is they watched me do that and then all of a sudden they turned it over.

Speaker 1: 28:26

It's super cheesy, but I kind of like the idea of your presence as a present to somebody else And when your eyes are connected there's a human connection by looking somebody else in the eyes And I consider it a gift when I get to be up here and I get to look you in the eyes and I get to see that I'm connecting with you. And I'm connecting or not, i see it, i do, and I hope you've experienced that same connection, because here's again, here's what's at stake. We are, my friends. As a follower of Jesus, we are considered in 2 Corinthians. We are called the aroma of Christ. You ever walked into a house and you knew what was being served for dinner before you saw it. People are experiencing Jesus before they have ever met Jesus because you are that aroma, and so through our communication, we have the opportunity to be a pleasant aroma of Jesus.

Speaker 1: 29:23

I think the danger of communication is feeling like we oftentimes deserve something, which is oftentimes where we then allow our feelings and what we feel like is right and what we deserve to be, the thing that we drive and what we say. I think we also got to get better at fighting. We're stepping into verbal communication that may involve some sort of conflict. That's got to hold both truth and love. Warren Wearsby, a Christian author, says it like this he says truth without love is brutality And love without truth is hypocrisy. Take away one of those two and the best we could be called is brutal and hypocritical. And if I was to describe the problem of the Western evangelical church is that we have been described accurately as both brutal and hypocritical.

Speaker 1: 30:13

Because, my friends, there's many Sundays that as we arrive here and that we are looking for somebody to just give me permission to hate somebody, give me permission to make somebody them and somebody us Help me make my circle smaller, which is essentially what the Pharisees did back in these days. And we look at that and we go, yeah, that's a problem. And I say exactly, it is not our job to draw a smaller circle, it's to actually expand that circle and to include both love and truth, word and deed. It's got to be both. But it's so much easier to look and find fault with what somebody else is doing and wish that you would just understand me and hear me and my truth, because it's my truth, so I get to speak it, and if it's true to me, then it should be out there for everyone else. But if it's not connected to some amount of eternal love that has been shared with you first, then you might want to keep that to yourself for a little bit When talking about fighting and also says don't fight with a fool If you know that it's not going to go anywhere, don't fight with them.

Speaker 1: 31:30

2 Timothy 2.23 says don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know that produces quarrels. There's an old saying that says if you wrestle with a pig, you're both going to end up muddy. I fought with a fool the other day. It was a Sunday. I know this because I preached that day, which those are the funnest ones is to be an idiot. After that I was driving and somebody cut me off foolishly. They cut me off, but I'll tell you what. Because I am a Christian and because I had just preached that day, i didn't give them the international sign that they are number one in my book.

Speaker 1: 32:08

I think what I did was worse. I gave them thumbs down With this. I was like like that. My wife looks at me. She goes you feel better. I was like not really, i was stupid. It was so stupid. I've now come to the point in my life that I will, if I think something and I don't say it, i'll write it down and then I'll tell my wife what it was. I'll be like you should see all the things that I was supposed to say, but I didn't. I'm really proud of you. You want like a cookie or something. I was like kinda kinda, i really think I do So.

Speaker 1: 32:43

Then I think for us, i think there's a couple of things that we can consider as we lean into a life of communicating God's love which is ultimately what this is is that if we have been transformed, then that means that everything that permeates us should be bathed in that same love that has been given freely to us. The first is this I think we need to give peace a chance, and not in the sense of conflict, though that's important, but that's more of what we'll talk about next week. It's this idea of shalom, nothing broken, nothing missing. As you look at scripture at the start, god in His wholeness, in His peace, in His shalom, then created humankind in that same wholeness, nothing broken, nothing missing, and that was first torn and broken when we said no to God. And what we see all throughout scripture, from Genesis all the way to Revelation there will be a day where that wholeness will be restored, that shalom, that peace, but it's not yet, not on this side of heaven, and so we, as agents of peace, get to experience that and also instill that in other people, and when we use communication to tear down the creation that God has made, we are unleashing hell on shalom. Build shalom.

Speaker 1: 34:01

It says in Romans 12, 18,. It says if possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with other people, because anger is absolutely destroying you and I. What if and here's the second part in this is that what if the next time that you communicated with somebody is that it was to seek or extend forgiveness? What if the next words that you said to somebody was I'm sorry, even if they hadn't earned the I'm sorry, even if maybe they should have given you an I'm sorry six months ago, six years ago? what if the next thing that you said was I'm sorry, because, my friends, if you've experienced the goodness of God, then you have already been given forgiveness for something that you did not deserve.

Speaker 1: 34:57

Ephesians 4.32 says be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ has already done for you. Because what I know is your judgment is damaging, and it's damaging to you first That we sit here and we think that, as we judge and we hate, and as we communicate that and as we say the right words, but every other part, that 7% feels right, but the 93% is unleashing hell on people and that that judgment is actually going to change somebody. What I see in James 5 is it says that you're confessing your sin, not theirs. And Matthew, it says to look at the log in your eye, not theirs. That you will be judged as you judge, not the other way around. And as we don't, can I just tell you, as somebody who holds on to things way too long, that I am allowing somebody that I have anger and frustration towards to live rent-free in my life and ruin me. And they are sleeping just fine. What would it look like if you extended forgiveness for something that they didn't deserve and yet, because of the forgiveness that you didn't deserve, you had the capacity to do the same thing with your words and with your life? And then I think the final part in this is that communication is so important because it is the foundational element to our calling as a follower of Jesus.

Speaker 1: 36:26

Go back to where we started. James 1, 26 says it like this Those who consider themselves religious let me change that. For those of you who consider yourself family at Northgate and yet you do not keep a tight reign on your tongue deceive yourselves and your religion is worthless And my religion is worthless, for every thumbs down and frowning face and upset word and judgment that I cast on somebody else. It's worthless. We must get to a place where our personal and our private lives intersect with each other, and that God has met us in both of those. And so, then, what's at stake is that we are a reflection of Jesus, but when, done right and done beautifully, we are building your kingdom come, your world be done, or your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. We get to unleash and build that People get to experience, that, just to taste, to touch a shadow of heaven because of a word that you wisely gave or didn't.

Speaker 1: 37:49

It's hard. It's what we're called to do and what God makes us capable of living and leaning into, and so, father, it's a tall order, and it would be ignorant for us to think that we could just pause and wait, that we would stop commuting at Katie until we get it right, and that's not how it works. So may we be people that, today, submit every part of our lives to you, including those parts that we feel are small, that we feel don't hold meaning or worth. And yet, god, those are the parts that you want redeemed first our words, our emotions, our thoughts and our interactions and relationships with other people. God, we give that to you And we pray Amen, amen.