Speaker 1: 0:13

You helped me in welcoming Dr Jim Burns. Okay, good speech. I love this man, but we didn't get the call. Everybody was in black up here and you and I were in blue and gray and beige and stuff, yeah, but I think we look really good too. They didn't clap for that. Hey, it's great to be with you.

Speaker 1: 0:37

I love Northgate Church. I've been here for less than 24 hours, but this is one awesome place. We got some students here right here in the front too. Way to go. Honestly, the worship is incredible. Did you get that? I mean, it's amazing.

Speaker 1: 0:53

And your pastor, larry. I love Larry. I love that he wore blue glasses yesterday and white glasses today. That may not be new for you, but, like I'm dying, I'm going to text him tomorrow and say what color glasses do you have? He needed to send me a text on just a face to see what he's wearing. Pretty exciting. And then I love that man. He actually came from the church that I'm a part of. So we're still grieving the loss of the Bachmans because we love them, but we're so happy that you get to have them in leadership here as well. And you just got a great staff, great people, really, really fun to be there, to be with you, and yesterday was great.

Speaker 1: 1:26

We did a confident parenting seminar. No, parents are confident. We decided I was speaking and I'm not confident on it. So there you go. Let me ask you a question. I'm really interested to see what the students are going to say on this.

Speaker 1: 1:38

Does anybody know what the word 900 or the letters or numbers 936 mean? 936. I think about this all the time. I know this is random, but I always think about these numbers. Here's the deal 936 weeks from the time a child is born to the time they are launched to adulthood. How old are you? How old? 15?, 16? So he didn't have much longer, but not too long ago he was a baby in diapers. You're not wearing diapers anymore, are you? Okay, good, glad to hear it. 936 weeks. This is James. James is my grandson. He's named after me. This was on the day he was born and he sleeps through my messages still, but that's another story. Anyway, my heart got wrapped around his heart on that day and I looked it up literally this morning. James, who is seven, has 526 weeks. I'd die for that kid, but yet it's going by so fast.

Speaker 1: 2:40

Some of you who have children, some of you who are grandparents, some of you who are students. I mean, life goes by really fast. This here is Emily. I love Emily. She's awesome. She is five. Anybody have a five-year-old kind of connected to you. Yeah, your hands went right up. Yeah, all over, okay.

Speaker 1: 2:56

So, anyway, she's only got 676 weeks and this kid's going to be an adult. She doesn't look like an adult, she doesn't act like an adult, but soon she'll be an adult, because life goes by fast. This is Jeremy. Love this kid. He's 10. That means Jeremy is over halfway done to becoming an adult. Okay, now again, he's 10, so he's not acting like an adult. But the dude is over halfway done because he's only got eight more years. And for Jeremy that's 416 weeks.

Speaker 1: 3:24

And this is the lovely Ashley.

Speaker 1: 3:26

She's a senior in high school.

Speaker 1: 3:28

She's about ready to start school again and she'll have 52 weeks and then she'll launch into adulthood.

Speaker 1: 3:33

Is that wild?

Speaker 1: 3:35

It went by fast.

Speaker 1: 3:36

Now, again, she's going to say that she's an adult, but she's not going to always act like an adult.

Speaker 1: 3:40

My kids, when they got to be 18, they said well, I'm an adult and I'm going. Well, I'm paying for your cell phone, I'm paying for your car insurance, we're paying for college, so act like an adult, right, but it goes by fast, so incredibly fast. My prayer lately, as I think about how time is flying by, is this prayer, and it's actually out of Psalm 9012, and it says this teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom, and really that's a great prayer for all of us as we think about our family. You've just been through this relationship series and whether you are single, or whether you are married, whether you're a student or whether you're the oldest person in the room besides me, the truth is is that we need to learn to number our days, because the days go by very, very quickly. I want you to see this video. It's a two and a half minute video, but it really describes how fast life goes by here you go.

Speaker 1: 7:18

I love that phrase. It says it's just a phase, don't miss it. And really all of our lives have a phase to it and all of us are connected to family. So I'm here to conclude your series and we're going to talk about family. And when we talk about family, some of us are still wiping our eyes. I can see this around here. But when we talk about family, the truth is is that all of us didn't come from great families and some of us came from awesome families Amazing and many of us are in between. But when we talk about family, a lot of times we feel guilt because we don't have the perfect family. I got a news for you. Nobody has a perfect family. In fact, I know I should get to the scripture, but let me quote Lilo and Stitch from Disney. This is my family. It may be small, it may be broken, but it's still good. Yeah, it's still good. You know that quote. I could see her shake it her head. Well, you know what? That's how I feel about my family. I mean, I come and speak on family.

Speaker 1: 8:07

I don't think our family's perfect, and Kathy and I didn't come from a perfect family. In fact, for us, we came from what you'd call traditional dysfunctional families. Dad was an alcoholic. My grandpa on my mom's side died of cirrhosis of the liver. I never knew him because he died early from his alcoholism. My two brothers were alcoholics two of my brothers.

Speaker 1: 8:28

I was that kid. I just wasn't raised in the church. I became a Christian when I was 16. I was the first generation to become a Christian in my family, and so I meet Kathy the very first day at college and I fall madly and passionately into infatuation. She got a boyfriend. That was a problem, but anyway we became just friends. Right, she goes, yeah, just friends. And we were just friends. And she'd always asked me what should I do with this boyfriend that's not working out? And I'd always say break up with a scum, there's somebody better. But finally she broke up with him and we got married one week after college and Kathy's family was dysfunctional as well, just kind of a little crazy, okay. And we thought it was gonna be easy, but it was not. So one year excuse me into the marriage we said we wanna be the transitional generation. If we're gonna make this thing work, we're either gonna recover or repeat, and I mentioned this at the confident parenting seminar much more. But the truth is is that Kathy and I had to put a stake in the ground and decide were we gonna recover or were we gonna repeat, cause the Bible says that you inherit the sins of a previous generation to the third and fourth generation. And we were doing that not me drinking and not her being as crazy as hers but we were surely not doing it right.

Speaker 1: 9:43

And so we decided to change the trajectory. And it was interesting, cause Thursday night we had this ah-ha. Just last Thursday, we were at Les Mis in Hollywood with our whole family. It was celebrating a big time birthday and we're at this dinner and everybody was just doing great. And our kids are now in their 30s, so they're older, they've been through some of the bumps and scrapes and bruises and they're doing great, and not perfect, but great. We have opinions on how they should be raising the grandchildren, but we'll keep our mouth shut on that. Put my arm around Kathy and I said, wow, this is a really good thing. And what was fascinating is for us we had this moment as we were finished with Les Mis and just talking amongst ourselves that you know what we did it.

Speaker 1: 10:23

We changed the trajectory of a family, of two families, and then I think that from generation to generation is a big deal and I think it's important for you to understand that. So if you came from a family that's somewhat dysfunctional, like mine, all of you didn't, but you got to know that you can change in one generation the trajectory of your family. So, whether again, you're the oldest or this is not a parenting thing, this is just a family conversation. If you're the youngest here, it's important for us to see and hear how we do this stuff. Okay, now I need to ask you a question Does anybody know the name of their great, great, great great grandparents? Anybody you do? Cool, it's one of you. Okay, we don't know the name, but guess what? You kind of look like them. I mean, I know that my great, great great grandfather was bald, so I looked like the guy. Some of you have different hairstyles, but actually the Bible says that you inherit the sins of a previous generation to the third and fourth generation. That's all throughout the Old Testament. So in order to change the trajectory, there's some things we've got to do and we need a plan, and a lot of us actually do family by what I call circumstance and chance, instead of like having a plan and a purpose. So today I want to give you the Hebrews plan, because the Hebrews, the Jews, did a much better job than we Christians of doing that.

Speaker 1: 11:42

So another quiz what's the most often quoted scripture in the Bible, great Bible, believing church? You're going to know. John 3.16. No, you're looking at me like you want to argue with me and I'm not an authority, but I know this. Okay, it's not John 3.16. Isn't that wild, for God's alone of the world. No, honor your father and mother. Is it one of these kids? Yours, you don't know? No, it's not that one either. Give it a try. Jeremiah 2911.

Speaker 1: 12:14

Oh, I love that scripture, for I know the plans for you, plans for you to prosper. No, but you're in the right Testament. It's not the New Testament, it's in the Old Testament, psalm 23,. That's what I would have said. But no, I've had to say no to you twice and I really like you now, but I'm really sorry. So it's kind of a trick question, because I know the answer and this is why, because every Jew listen to this. Every Orthodox Jew today would have quoted it this morning. They'll quote it tonight In the Sabbath.

Speaker 1: 12:43

They stand in their meetings and they all recite this one scripture, so much so the scripture that I'm about to say. It's kind of holy of holies, because when Jesus was born let's go back to Christmas he's in a manger and no doubt Mary would have picked him up and would have recited what they call the Shema. The Shema is a Hebrew word and it means to listen, but it's also their plan and purpose. Are you ready for the Shema? Okay, it's found in Deuteronomy 6, 4 through 9. Okay, and this is going to look familiar to some of you as we go, but it says this. It says hero Israel, the Lord, our God. The Lord is one. Okay, love the Lord, your God, with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your strength. And this actually teaches us faithfulness and fidelity to God. We're called to be people who are faithful and live with fidelity to God.

Speaker 1: 13:31

But the scripture goes on to say this, and in the next section it says these commandments that I give you today are to be written on your hearts. Impress them on your children. So that's kind of where it breaks there. So what this is telling us to do is to actually we live it out and then we impress it on our children, and so that's actually how we pass on love and faith to our kids.

Speaker 1: 13:55

We don't do it just through the church. The church is so important and the church is so key but we don't do it just through the church. We do it actually through the family. Okay, and that's God's way of doing this. The church comes alongside the family. I'm sure that's been, you know, explained to you in a big, big way already. You parents who are in this room, and grandparents, you're the primary disciples. It's not the church, okay, and because I was not raising a church, that didn't happen, okay. So it happened for me from my youth pastor and from others who were, you know, kind of coming alongside of me.

Speaker 1: 14:26

The Bible, after it says impress them on your children, it says you talk about it when you sit at home and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you get up. So, in other words, you know you bring God into your home. Okay, and that's how we do this. And so that's how, how do we share the Lord with our families, as we do it from the home and back then, of course, they did it when they got up, they did it when they went to bed. They did it when they walked along the road because they didn't have cars. So we do it in our cars or whatever. Okay, but it's just, it was more natural.

Speaker 1: 14:56

Goes on to say this as the next one comes up tie them as symbols on your hands, which means take God to work. And then it says bind them on your foreheads, which means put them in your mind, and even then goes on as this teaching goes on. By the way, this is their holy hollies. We'll explain that in a minute. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. If you go to Israel, every doorway has something called a Mizzouza. You can Google this and look it up, because I'm not going to take the time to explain it to you. But on the inside of every Mizzouza, on the door of every door in Israel, is the Shema Meaning this is how we're going to live our life. So they have a plan of purpose. John 3.16 is an awesome scripture and we should put that into our life. Jeremiah 29.11 is a great scripture. We should put it in our life. For them, they have one scripture and this is their plan and purpose. Now let's fast forward to the New Testament as we think about that.

Speaker 1: 15:52

And let's go to Jesus being tested. He was always being tested, okay, and this is what Jesus, where he got tested all the time. But in this one they were testing him and it seemed like kind of an easy test. They asked him this question. It's gonna come up on the screen I know I'm bouncing with you here it's gonna come up soon. There you go. Those are the answers, so we'll go through those. Let's go to Matthew Loyalty and fidelity to God. There you go. They asked this question. That was my. I messed up for them. Okay, now, I didn't mess up, I was just pushing through.

Speaker 1: 16:28

It says teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law? That seems like a good question for Jesus. They wanted to know how he was gonna answer this. There's some drama when these people would come alongside to test Jesus. Well, jesus replied love the Lord, your God, with all of your heart, mind, body and soul, and love your neighbor as you love yourself is summarized Well, you know, what they did was at the first part. They went cool, he's one of us.

Speaker 1: 16:54

They didn't know how he was gonna answer it, but every Jew 2000 years ago, answered it with that top saying love the Lord, your God, with all of your heart, and even summarized it by saying this is the first and greatest commandment. But then, as I mentioned, he moved the shema because the next section isn't in the shema. This really probably was one of the things that could have got him killed. Okay, because he said this as you go to the next scripture. It says and the second is like it love your neighbor as you love yourself. And then I love what Jesus says All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments. Well, that got them confused, because he didn't just give the shema, he actually added love God with all your heart. That's good, but then love your neighbors, you love yourself. And we call that the Jesus Creed. So it's fascinating about that.

Speaker 1: 17:41

In our home we have the Jesus Creed, you know, up on the wall or whatever. What's interesting is, this is the playbook. This is how we do it. For you who are students and I'm so happy there's some students in here, because nobody ever taught me how to do this so Kathy and I get married and then we make babies and we have no idea what we're doing. But actually, if you can look at this scripture. It's your play by play, playbook, to do it right and to do it well, and that's critical for us as we go about our lives.

Speaker 1: 18:14

So what does it teach us? Well, it actually teaches us three things that I wanna bring up today, and in this I wanna share with you the three points that I think are critical to kind of summarizing what you've learned in your series. Number one it teaches us that discipleship happens intentionally in the home. So it's the home where it starts, it's not the church. For me it was the church because, again, my home wasn't gonna share it. But for you all it's the home, and even if you haven't been doing a very good job of it, lots of grace to you. We wanna work this out.

Speaker 1: 18:57

Now here's a story these incredible students who are here sitting up front you're not gonna like this, but 65% of them are not gonna be in the church after they graduate from high school for a bit of time. Some of them will come back, they'll get married, they'll make babies, they'll come back. But the truth is and this is a stain in the world of family ministry, where I work is the stain is this we have a generation of students who are walking away from the church. Okay, and yet we're beginning to learn something, and parents and grandparents and uncles and aunts and Sunday school teachers and everybody else, you need to listen to this. But there are two studies. They were done randomly the same year, pre-covid, one done in Oxnard, california, and one done in Fort Worth, texas, one by a seminary called Southwestern, one by a group called the Barner Research Group, and they came up with the same answer that there is a 300% better chance that kids will stay in the church if there are faith conversations in the home, not toxic, not preachy. That's an incredible statement, and so what it's saying is is that if we can just include just exactly what happened in this scripture, if we can include that, it's being intentional.

Speaker 1: 20:12

So my family we didn't know what we were doing, like I said. So we decided we would start doing family devotions, family debos right, we called it, and so I led the family debos and at the time in my life my kids were nine, seven and five. I was speaking to about a quarter of a million high school students a year. That's what I did, and so I could carry a crowd of a lot with high school students, but I was getting killed with my own children because they hated family debos. This is boring and I'm doing this stuff like I'm going well. In the Greek it means this and for some reason I don't understand, my five-year-old would kind of go what's Greek? And anyway, it didn't go well. So finally, kathy and you get this if you're married Kathy kind of leans over to me and she goes hey, this is not working.

Speaker 1: 20:53

And I said, fine, being a passive-aggressive husband that I am, you do it. And she goes, as a matter of fact, I will. So she has a degree in early childhood, so she says we'll do it tonight. I'm like waiting for her to announce that we're going to do family devotions. And she goes hey, you guys, we're going to have some family time.

Speaker 1: 21:08

The family devotional word was out of the picture. And I see her walking upstairs. She goes we're going to meet in Christie's room and we have a two-story thing, and so she's carrying kind of like a jug of red vines and some chocolate, like a whole bag of chocolate, and I'm like, hey, that's not fair, you can't do family devotions with fun food. I mean, I never did that. She goes yeah, I know, and you need to. So she comes up and she hands them a Bible storybook and she goes let's do a play tonight. They don't even know it's the family devotional time and they're like, yeah, because they're hands and they like to do drama.

Speaker 1: 21:40

So Christie, who's always in charge? She's our oldest, she's still in charge, she's still in charge of our family. It's crazy. She opens the Bible and she goes we'll do this one. And it was Adam and Eve. And I went well, that's kind of cool Kudos for Kathy, as I'm eating some chocolate and a couple of red vines.

Speaker 1: 21:56

And then the girls get in argument because nobody wants to be a boy and Adam is a boy, in case you didn't know the story of creation. And so, in desperation, I said Christie, you are the oldest, so you are going to be Adam, because Eve is younger than Adam by just a hair. So you're. And she goes can I wear a mustache? And I went, I'm sure Adam had a mustache. Absolutely you can. Actually she drew a permanent marker mustache and that was a problem for the next day at school, but that's another story. So she's happy.

Speaker 1: 22:27

So she goes into the soundproof booth which is our bedroom and they're going to dress up or whatever. And then the two girls get in an argument because nobody wanted to be the snake and that's the only person in the store I mean, it's the only next thing in the store you got Eve and they both wanted to be Eve. And so finally, out of desperation and I have great apologies to Larry here because I'm changing the Bible for just a moment I said to Rebecca you are Eve and Heidi, you are Yvette, eve's little sister, and Cathy kind of leans over to me and she goes. She doesn't have a little sister. I go, she does, just for this story, because we're desperate, okay. So anyway, I have no idea she goes. What's she going to do? I have no idea what she's going to do, but send her on.

Speaker 1: 23:07

So Christy comes out and she's wearing a Hawaiian shirt of mine that was like coming down to her knees and it was like this big. It's funny. Somebody had given me this shirt and I really thought it was ugly. With no offense, I hope there's not. It's not. You have a Hawaiian shirt on, but yours is nice. Well, it's kind of like his. No, no, it's this, it was just too much and she's got it on. And she's got a baseball cap on, because I always wear a hat skin cancer, you know, whatever. Just had Mohs surgery right there and she doesn't. I don't even know what she has underneath, but I can't see what's underneath, but it's like hanging. You know, all the way down to here, this shirt and I go.

Speaker 1: 23:42

Christy, why are you dressed like that for Adam? She goes well, dad, he's in the Garden of Eden and her mind was the Garden of Eden. The closest thing is Hawaii. So she's dressed in a Hawaiian outfit. Okay, that fits.

Speaker 1: 23:54

And then Heidi comes right out and she's the five-year-old. So I'm skipping the seven-year-old for a minute. She's the five-year-old and she comes out and she is in a Hawaiian hula outfit. So at five it's one thing, but when she was three, we bought her a Hawaiian outfit when we were there at the ABC store for $3.99. And the straw skirt is too small, but they've somehow figured out how to keep it on so you can see her pink panties through the shirt and she has these two coconuts and they're supposed to be her I guess what you call her top, but they're hanging down by her knees and so she's kind of waddling over and I go well, tell me about what. Why are you wearing that? She goes, I'm supposed to do a dance and I'm like I don't know that. I know that scripture and there's no dance in there. Okay, and I also know that there's no event in there either, so we'll go with it. So, first of all, she's five, so I could do this. I rearranged the coconuts. They lasted on her chest for about one second, so then she now has a coconut on her shoulder and down below her knee and she goes is it time? And I said, yeah, it's time. So, before the thing even started, she does this. Everybody loves a Hukilao and she does this Hukilao dance. And then we clapped and she sat down. I mean that she wasn't in the story, so that's all she did and she was like all happy, okay.

Speaker 1: 25:10

And then Becca comes out. She's our middle child, with an emphasis on middle, and she isn't wearing any clothes at all. She's totally naked. Okay, well, she has one sock on, you know. But there you go and she's kind of our defensive kid. Anyway, she has a master's in clinical psych, but she's still our defensive kid. And so she kind of has her hand on her hip and she just stands there totally naked. She was the kid who, at 18 months, would streak. You guys probably don't know what streakers are, but you know. You do know what streakers are. Okay, like she'd take off her diaper and she would like go down the street and we're like no, no, and she's like ah, and we're like, oh, this is a problem, but anyway, she's standing there naked and I look at Kathy, I eat some more chocolate and I go.

Speaker 1: 25:52

So, becca, tell us about what you're not wearing. And she goes it's right here, it's very literal. It's right here in the Bible. It's a storybook, but it's in the Bible. She was naked and had no clothes on. I go well, that's true, but if you ever are asked to do this story at church, you need clothes on. Do you understand me? Yes, okay, you can do it. So she did the whole play without any clothes on. And you know what?

Speaker 1: 26:15

It changed the way we started doing devotions. They never figured out it was devotions. We started having fun. We started spending 20 minutes. I always say kiss, keep it short and simple. And it changed the way we were able to bring Scripture and we did it once a week.

Speaker 1: 26:33

Even as they got older, they got more involved in it. They would sometimes bring a YouTube video or whatever, but it wasn't heavy-duty Scripture. But guess what? They learn? The stories, they learn the stuff. And you can do that, see, but it has to be intentional, okay, because intentionality is the key here.

Speaker 1: 26:52

The Scripture says and this is Paul speaking to Timothy, very famous verse on discipleship in the things you've heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others. That's what we do, that's what we do in families, that's what's been done for over 4,000 years taking the Word and passing it on. It's doing what the Shema tells us to do. Let's take, for example, not just teaching Scripture, but who's responsible for teaching morals and values. What I find in the church today is that we're all whining and complaining mainly rightly so because of all the craziness that's going on in our culture. I mean, the culture is on fire with morals and values, but the fact is is that we sometimes don't teach and train our own kids the morals and values, or we think we're doing them. But are we really?

Speaker 1: 27:44

Let me ask you a question. I asked this question yesterday. We were talking about sex yesterday, with teaching your children healthy sexuality. But let me ask you this question how many of you receive good, positive, healthy, value-centered sex education from your parents. One, two, three, four this whole side you guys are kind of losers, okay, four Larry's going to be doing a series on sex ed for adults here real soon. You guys need it, okay, but listen to this.

Speaker 1: 28:18

All research says this. Both liberal and conservative, christian and non we agree on this. The more positive, value-centered sex education that you give to your kids from your home, the less promiscuous and less confused they'll be. Is it going to be awkward? Sure, it's going to be awkward. I write books on sexuality and my daughter, christy, again goes. Yeah, my dad was really fine talking to other people, but he would talk to us and he would stutter, his bald head would sweat, his ears would turn red. True, but what I'm saying is it's our job to teach morals and values. But again, I would rather have and I said this yesterday I would rather have a hundred one-minute conversations with my kids than one 100-minute conversation. So it's a dialogue, but it's our job to do this, and I'm not just talking about sex, I'm talking about morals and values here.

Speaker 1: 29:12

But again, we do this intentionally, see, and it's important for us to understand that it's intentional. And I think when we understand that it's intentional, then you know there's there's a couple of things we need to think about, because discipleship happens when parents and grandparents lead. And we need to lead Adults, we need to lead Students. If you're in my case, if you family I don't I doubt if it's your story but if you're in a place where your parents aren't, you know, believers or whatever, then you lead, but we need to lead. I don't think we do that well enough. We need to lead. Okay, how do we lead?

Speaker 1: 29:45

First of all, I think we need to lead with integrity. In fact, the Bible says this, and this is an interesting scripture. It says whoever walks with integrity walks securely. And I think that your kids will walk securely if you walk with integrity, because if you have security, then they'll have security. And so and for me, I'll tell you what it is For me, it's my marriage.

Speaker 1: 30:05

I mean, kathy and I have been married 49 years. I know I look so much younger, but we've been married I'm kidding, thank you. But 49 years and we have what we call a high maintenance marriage. We've had to work on our marriage, but we now know that. You know, part of the success of our marriage is called perseverance and working on its grid. That doesn't sound very romantic and we've got to work on the romance. But, like I said to the people yesterday, would you be willing to give 1% of your week to your spouse if you're married and they'd go? Yeah, sure I go. Well, that's 90 minutes. Go on a date on a weekly basis. I mean we have a lot of time On a weekly basis. I mean we had to learn to do that.

Speaker 1: 30:41

That was our integrity issue. I don't know what your integrity issue is, but it's integrity. We've got to lead with integrity in the home. Secondly, it's margin. We lead with margin, so we lead with margin.

Speaker 1: 30:54

I love what John Mark Comer said. He said hurry is violence to your soul, and I think one of the biggest problems in America, especially in Southern California, where I live, northern California here is this breathless pace in which we live our lives. What are we doing? So do we actually think that we can help our kids grow spiritually? Do we actually think that we can grow spiritually as students if we're too busy? I think the American Christian family is often over committed and under connected.

Speaker 1: 31:23

So I spoke for an organization called Promise Keepers. It's a men's movement and I had the privilege to speak for that for about four years and I was at the Promise Keepers Pastors Conference which they used to have. This was a Diamondback Stadium, 40,000 pastors, and I was just about ready to come on. The band is playing and I'm sitting with a man named Jack Hayford who was like a total mentor in my life and he was the master of ceremony. And I said to Jack what is the secret to your leadership success? Without a moment's hesitation, jack said you know, it's not what I've chosen to do, it's what I've chosen not to do. I said unpack that, jack. I expected something different.

Speaker 1: 32:00

I mean, this is a guy who was a mega church pastor, president of a university, president of a denomination, leading the world in many ways as a pastor in terms of his ministry, and he said I had to say no to good things, to say yes to the most important things. Jack, what's the most important things? That would be my relationship with God, in a regular time with him. That would be my relationship with my family, my wife, my children. He named his children, my grandkids. He named all of his grandkids. He goes well, I've had time to do other things. His books are packed, styled, all kinds. He wrote the song Majesty, which was an iconic song. I mean the guy's done so much but he said I had to say no to good things, to say yes to the most important things. We need margin to do that.

Speaker 1: 32:43

I know for me there's a couple of phrases that come on to the screen that when I'm doing well I can answer these well, if I'm not doing well, I don't answer them so well. Do I like the person I'm becoming? Is the work of God I'm doing destroying the work of God and me, or is another way of saying it is my heart for God growing or shrinking? I can tell right to you how I'm doing by that answering that question. Well, that's shrinking. Well, I'm probably too busy with other stuff stuffing into my life. And then the last one am I only getting my family my emotional scraps? I don't give you my emotional scraps, but when I come into my home, am I only giving them my emotional scraps? See, when we live at too fast of a pace.

Speaker 1: 33:26

I graduated from Princeton in my graduate work and a friend of mine wrote me because I didn't say for the graduation I actually started a houseboat ministry on the Delta, not too far from here, I, low, died of all places and a friend of mine wrote me and he said we missed you at graduation. He said if the devil can't make you bad, he'll make you busy. That was prophetic for me, see. And then, lastly, as we lead with the eternal perspective, we lead with the eternal perspective. You know, we lead in the home with the eternal perspective. Sometimes we live as Christ followers every place, but the home, and the home is the hardest place to do it. No doubt in this series we've talked about that with you. But if you're going to do it right, you lead with integrity, you lead with margin and you lead with the eternal perspective. My dad taught me that.

Speaker 1: 34:19

My dad, again at the end of his life, became a Christian and he got sober. Pretty incredible, 69 years old is when he got sober, lived for 20 years sober, became a Christian later than that. But at the end of his life he fell. He had hip replacement. The doctor said we can do the hip replacement, but if you can't get up you're going to die of pneumonia or something else. And that's exactly what happened. We put him in hospice and at the end of his life a lady comes in, I'm sitting with him and she said it's time for physical therapy and he's no way you could do physical therapy. And so, anyway, he started to get up because he was trying to please her and he started to fall and she's like oh, hospice, no, we don't do physical therapy with people like you. And then she was awkward and she kind of said, well, hey, you two look alike.

Speaker 1: 35:08

And my dad said this is my son, jimmy. He called me Jimmy and I'm so proud of him. Jimmy, in his 60s, started to cry because my dad said that and I thought to myself how, like God, you know, god's proud of you. If he had a wallet, he'd have your picture in his wallet. He was a child, you haven't done it right. He loves you not for what you do, but for who you are. That's what dad did. And then he said and I love and I'm proud of all three of my other sons, bill, ron and Bob and I'm, like, proud of them. Wait, I'm the youngest. I understand you're proud of me, but as you are, those are dope heads. Give me a break.

Speaker 1: 35:51

And then he said something amazing. He said and I'm looking forward to being with Jesus and I'm going there real soon and he said it like he was excited about it. He said I have no regrets. Well, the lady leaves. And I said, dad, you said you had no regrets and he said no, I don't have any regrets. Didn't you tell me this? You had no belief in your heart that Jesus is Lord and that he was raised from the dead. He didn't know the scripture, but Romans 10, 9. That you would be saved. And I said yes. He said well then why would I have regrets, jim? I'm thinking, wait, I live with regrets Sometimes. Shame.

Speaker 1: 36:33

But my dad had it right. And I said, and I wanted to give him a chance to throw the boys under the bus. So I said, dad, you said you were proud of me and the boys and I'd separated myself. He goes, I'm so proud of you and I'm so proud of Bill and Ron and Bob, and I thought how, like God, and again I say to you, god is proud of you. In fact, the Bible says I will never leave you or forsake you, and some of you have been left and forsaken by a parent or by a family, but not your heavenly father. And so in a moment we're going to take communion and as we take communion. I want you to know something that God is proud of you, that he wants the best for you and he's not going to leave you or forsake you. And because of that strength, then you can do family in a different way and you can change the trajectory of your family. You students here, hey, you do it differently than some. Change the trajectory, make a difference.

Speaker 1: 37:31

I was looking at my grandson, james, and there's also Charlotte and Huxley, and we got one more on the way. But with James and I went whoa. You know, this summer he became a Christian and I thought to myself whoa, and he called me up and he said Papa Jay, he said I asked Jesus to be my forever friend. Vacation Bible School tonight, and I wanted you to be the first to know I'm sorry. And I thought, wow, this is worth it, man, because it's not easy to change the direction of a family, but it's possible. But you got to admit it's not your way, it's his way.

Speaker 1: 38:16

So as we come and do communion, remember that the little wafer, the bread, represents the broken body of Christ for you. And so when Christ hung on a cross, he was the pathway for you to have life eternal and life abundant because of his unconditional love and because of his sacrificial love. And when you take the cup, remember that it's what Christ said, that the cup represents the shed blood, and it's the shed blood that gives you the forgiveness of sin. And so your life will never, ever be the same, because not for what you've done, but be what he's done for you. So, even in the moment, here, as we take communion, may you be blessed and be reminded that it's really not about you, it's about him and for what he did for you.

Speaker 1: 39:11

And because of that then, yes, if we follow this plan, it's in the scripture that our lives and our families and the trajectory of our families will be different. Will it be perfect? No, not this side of heaven, but will it be good? Yeah, almighty God, as we come to celebrate communion, as we look at that piece of bread and as we think of that cup, may we be reminded of your unconditional, sacrificial love. Give us the strength to do family the way you want us to do. And we pray this in the name of Jesus, and all of God's people said Amen.